if eletricity = electron, so morality = moron ?

:: Am I Wrong? ::

2008-09-27T20:54:00.003+08:00

this whole week was a disaster to me.
i've been in a fight with my other half and its totally messy. i wouldn't say that I'm 100% right, but I'm not 100% wrong either. so here goes my story.

well, why not let me just start with introducing myself.

im xara, im 25years old, been in a crucial relationship with a woman almost for 3 years.
yes. a total massive 3 years. there's so many things happen within that 3 years time and i don't think i can list it all down. there's just to many so I'll tell you once I go along.

so let me just tell you about what happen to me today. after a long week of fighting, i decided to make up with my other half. since we fought quite badly, i think its about time we had a good meal/buka puasa together since tomorrow im going to go back to my hometown to celebrate Raya.

She came to the place, and we went to the Anime Game Convention which I'm so dying to go. Everything was perfect. Then I decided to have our dinner in a fancy Japs restaurant which I'm going to pay for everything. I am not a rich dude, but for the sake of saving the 3 years of relationship I told her that the bill is on me. So she agreed.

When we got our table, I started to ordered food and stuff. Then the food arrived and we ate. When we're done, I said; "I want to see how much the damage will caused."

Guys, I don't know whether if its wrong to said that! My tone wasn't high or sounds like I'm whining. I was joking around with my signature, flat tone. My other half, immediately snaps. She thought I was being calculative and not sincere in treating her the dinner. She got angry, start talking to me in a very irriating tone and start questioning my sincerity. She also said I can't even say that line- "How much the damage caused." eventhough I told her so many times it was a joke and it was actually meant for myself.

She is retarded, ain't she? Can't even differentiate a joke with real meanie line.
What's more sad to know is, she don't even bother that I'm trying to make her happy again.
Am I sucha loser?

Goong TVXQ !

2008-05-22T01:42:00.002+08:00

hey hey....

i made a new fics..

it's called Goong TVXQ ! u can guess by reading it's title... it'll be a parody of Princess Hour / Goong...

http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/tvxq_princehour

also here!!

http://tvxqprincehour.blogspot.com

So, happy reading..!! Please drop your comments to me as well okay!! <3

:: When U Said U Love Me ::

2008-03-13T19:23:00.002+08:00

For the middle section and ending for my Jaemin fics, pls visit:

http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/Ms_Xara

Finally I wrote the whole story to the end and found a really good place to display it.. Pls enjoy it friends!! Cassiopeia Rulez!

DBSK Fan Fiction - Part 3

2008-01-31T02:50:00.000+08:00

Title: When You Said You Loved Me
Characters: Shim Chang Min / Kim Jae Joong (JaeMin SoulFighter)
Length: until now, it just begin...
Rating/Genre:
Summary: it's a love story begin to bloom between Changmin and a mysterious girl he met on the street, but it became more complicated as Jae Joong came across their way.

****************

Changmin helped Jae Joong to clean up the dining hall a little before Jae Joong suddenly asked him to bring the samgyetang to Rynn’s room and feed her.
“It’s really good to combat with body heatness due to fever. Hyung will clear all this.” He said in a soft spoken tone.
“Ne, arasseo.” Changmin quickly get done with his sweeping and follow exactly what Jae Joong asked him to.

Jae Joong looked at him walking away until he disappeared behind the kitchen wall. His heart still thumping like crazy when he recall the ‘kissing’ moment he had with the ‘pretty boy’ Changmin. And it’s not like it was the first time. Jae Joong was the one who stole Changmin’s first kiss and he was sure that all Cassiopeia already knew about that! He did that on one morning, when Changmin was sleeping and refuse to wake up. Poor Changmin! The poor, handsome crybaby woke up with tears on his face because he was saving the ultimate kiss for a girl that he really, really like. Bad Jae Joong for stealing it away from him!

But reality is, no matter how much he likes him, it is totally against the odds.
“Andwae..! Na michigaesseo??” He whispered to himself if he was crazy enough to like his own dongsaeng that much.
“Maldo andwae yo.. I have to get rid of this feeling. This is not right. It can be right for me, but its not for him..” He continued whispering to himself again, all alone in the kitchen.

Changmin put down the tray with a spoon, a bowl and the samgyetang pot next to Rynn’s bedpost. He looked at the girl’s sleeping face over and over again. He never really kiss a girl before. He was saving it for a girl he really, really like. He was saving that moment for 21 years already. But of course, it was stolen from Jae Joong-hyung, that evil monster. It happen when he was asleep. But hyung wasn’t really a girl. He may look girlish, sounds girlish, graceful or even give sweet kiss like a girl, but he is not a real girl.
“Do I have feeling for her? If I don’t, why is my heart felt differently?” Changmin asked himself. He looked at her closely, and he bend down a little. He was so near to Rynn’s face, adoring her long eyelashes and peach-coloured lips. He looked at her as if he want to kiss her. He want to. Changmin trembled a bit, that is when he accidently woke her up.

Rynn was shocked to see a handsome guy was looking down at her as if he want to chomp her up just like that. The eyes were so beautiful, as beautiful as Han River. Anyway, what was he thinking?
Yeah. What was I thinking? Changmin felt like he wanted to choke himself to death, totally embarrassed. He was caught in the act! So he just smiled and pretend like nothing happen.
“Changmin-sshi..” Rynn's sweet voice finally came out.
“How are you feeling now?” He asked, still feeling embarrassed like hell.
“Did I fainted? I’m so sorry.. I caused you trouble…” Rynn cries softly.
“Don’t worry about that, okay? It’s not your fault that you’re sick. We are friends now, remember? Here, please have some soup..” Changmin smiled and pass her a bowl of samgyetang.
“You can cook? Changmin-sshi.. you’re so full of suprises..” she praised.
“Ah, aniyo. It’s not me. It’s my hyung.” He replied.
“Hyung?” She looks puzzled.
“Ahhh..” Changmin grinned, knew he haven’t introduce his hyung to her yet. He called out Jae Joong’s name loudly.
“Hyung-ah! Hyung-ah! Ppalli!!”
“De! Wae geurae yo?” Jae Joong rushed a little, because he was so sure something bad has happened. This Changmin will do that if he gets into trouble, he will definitely call for his hyungs.

As Jae Joong enter the room, it was a total silence. Rynn really cannot believe her eyes. The two angels of Dong Bang Shin Ki were in her apartment all these while. In her tiny, little apartment. One of them took care of her, while the other cooks for her. Oh, my God..
God’s power is really amazing.
“Changmin, that is Young Woong Jae Joong.. rite?” her voice shaked a little as the other pretty but handsome guy stared at her with his killer look.
“Jae Joong-hyung, this is Rynn. Rynn, Jae Joong-hyung.” Changmin said, pointing at the angelic, perfect, hot-looking guy behind him.
“Eung, I’m Jae Joong. Rynn-sshi, are you okay now?” He asked and made his move towards her.
“E, gwenchanayo, oppa..” She replied, shyly.
“Aigoo.. Now I don’t have to troubled myself so much anymore, because she can speak perfect Korean!” he claimed quickly in Korean, native language. He was so excited to hear Rynn replied him back perfectly in Korean.

Changmin grinned and give Jae Joong a few pat on his back.
“Ne, hyung.. Aniyo, andwaeyo, she don’t know much. Trust me, she don’t. Just continue speaking in English even if your English is broken like crap.” He laughed a little, because he speaks bad English too. Only Yoochunnie can speak good English among them all.
“How dare you..” Jae Joong looked at him with a laser stare, but they both laughed in the end.
“Yeah, yeah, let’s just talk the crappy English.” He agreed to Changmin and giggled.
“Don’t worry. As long as you both could understand my crappy Korean, I can worked out on your crappy English..” and all three of them laughed at the same time.
“You’re funny.. aigoo..” Jae Joong comments as they were tired of laughing their arse out.
“And cute..” Changmin added.
“Aniyo.. Stop making fun of me..” Rynn smiled shyly, feeling a little awkward being in the middle of two handsome-looking Korean guy on earth.
“No, no, we are serious.. You’re funny and cute..” Jae Joong said as he gave her the stare and smile. She blushed in instant. Jae Joong really have this power to steal girl’s heart just like that, by being honest and open.
“You know what, Rynn-sshi..”
“De..” she replied to Jae Joong.
“This boy here was panic when you passed out, so he called me on my cell..”
“Hyung, don’t start.. It’s embarrassing..”
“Mwo eyo? Tell me..” Rynn asked in curiosity.
“De.. This boy here was so worried about you. He was the one who carried you and took care of you just now.”
“Carried me???” Rynn almost screamed in total shocked.
“Hyung!! *Na michigaesseo..” (Means, ‘Damn, I’m going crazy.. — all because of your doings..) Then he continued speaking in Korean, “Ah, I’ll surely kill you when we got back home, hyung.”

Jae Joong just laughed and laughed, he could not handle it anymore.
“Haha! You can’t because I’m your hyung. Hahaha!” He replied him quickly in Korean.
“He said he want to kill me when we got back home.” Jae Joong continued to joke, translating the whole harsh sentence back to Rynn so she could understand.
“Jinja eyo?” Rynn laugh off as well, turning her head towards that blushing face of Changmin.
“Just ignore him. Aigoo, this is so embarrasing…” Changmin replied softly to Rynn and put his hand over his face.
"I think it's not something to be embarrased about. It's.. kinda.. sweet.. to me.." Rynn replied shyly. They both looked at each other, feeling awkward for a while. Jae Joong was the only one who is still giggling for some reason.

Jae Joong-hyung is such a prick! He will never change! Changmin’s heart screamed out. Jae Joong will always and always act like this because he is an honest person. He can accidently blurted out people’s secrets without knowing it. It happened a lot of time during interviews! The worst one was during the Dangyunhaji, also known as “Of Course!” game in The Xman Show. When he realized his mistakes, it was almost impossible to undo it because words spreads faster than Internet! He did say sorry a thousand times after that, anyway.
“Gomawoyo. I think that is the only word that I could say right now.” Rynn said shyly.
“Oh, you can do something for me..” said Jae Joong, as he held Rynn’s hand.
“Just please get well before we leave.” He looked into her eyes again and she melt.
“Sure. I don’t want to troubled anyone, too..” she promised, as she started to feel sad because she will be alone again.
“Good.” Jae Joong let go of her hand and take a slight glance at shyly-looking Changmin.
“If you don’t get better, then this boy here maybe will not be able to leave this room with happy heart.” He blurted out, again. Changmin studdered on the spot.
“Bo ga, ‘happy heart’?” Changmin cries loudly at Jae Joong’s broken English.
“And why me? And also, stop addressing me as ‘this boy’. I’m not a boy anymore!” He cries.
“Ahh..~ I’ve forgotten that part! Hahaha!”
“How could you say that to me, hyung…~~ Aigoo..~~ You are sooo evil…~~” And Changmin cannot help it but to smack Jae Joong right on his shoulder. Jae Joong smacked him back. They continued smacking softly on each other arms. Rynn smiled, feeling funny but amazed at the same time. She understood that both of these charming prince were very close to each other.

But these prince have to leave very soon and she will be on her own to solve her problem.
"Can I have your mobile number..?" suddenly Changmin blurted the words out.
"Err.. sure.." Rynn answered with trembling voice.
"Then, can I have it too?" Jae Joong immediately add-ons.
"Err.. sure, too.." Rynn smiled funnily, feeling really awkward to know they both want to have her number.
"Yay!" Jae Joong yelled in excitement and bring out his cellphone. Changmin smirked his face at Jae Joong. She said the number one by one, slowly. Both of them entered it in their cellphone and save it.
"My Little Puppy...! Aigoo.." Jae Joong whispered it at Changmin's ear when he took a peep at Changmin's cellphone screen.
"Hyung! Aish.." Changmin quickly keep his cell and start grabbing Jae Joong's.
"Aigoo.." Changmin did not dare to say the word but he smiled to himself, knowing the other side of Jae Joong.
"Superwoman Rynn.." Changmin sniggered to himself before Jae Joong took it back from him. So lame....
"Wae? Wae? Can't I name her that?" Jae Joong asked in Korean.
"Come on, I didn't say anything!!" replied Changmin, innocently.
"Well, you better don't! Or else, I will appear as Sadako and disturbed you at night. Haha!"
"You better disturb Yunho-hyung. He likes Sadako. Haha!"

Rynn cannot stop laughing. These boys are really amuzing. She totally forgot that she was not yet recovered and still need to have some rest.
"Stop making me laugh, you two.. Or else my stitches will open up because I laugh too much..." She said, softly. Both of the prince eyes widen, they were stunned for a second and stop fighting.
"Oh, we are so sorry! Are you in pain?" Jae Joong quickly kneel down next to her, holding her shoulder a little. Changmin also kneel and held her hand tightly, unable to say anything.
"I'm okay, I didn't mean to scare you both.. haha.. but you guys are amazing.. thank you.. So long I never had a good laugh.. Haha.. I'm fine.. Ha.."

Jae Joong and Changmin looked at her and there was about thousand of questions pop-up in their minds. She was laughing, and she looked so happy. They can tell it was a genuine laugh. In some other way, Jae Joong and Changmin feel relieved. At least when they leave, they will be leaving her some good, fun memories to be cherish.
"We are going to leave very soon. You don't have to worry of the door, we will figure out how to lock it.." Changmin said as he have to bid goodbye to Rynn. Rynn nodded, feeling sad but she don't really mind.
"Take care!" Jae Joong said as he also have to bring Changmin back to their home.

Jae Joong came up to her. He bend down and kissed her rosy cheek, followed by Changmin. He kissed her on the other side of the cheek and start hugging her. She hugged him back. There was a clear tears fell down from Rynn's cheek as he was saying something to her.
"I can never thank you enough for what you've done. Hope this memory will not fade from your mind." He whispered softly and finally let go of his masculine hands that embracing Rynn's skinny figure.
"But I must say goodbye." Changmin put his finger on her cheek, trying to stop the tears from falling.

Jae Joong looked at both of them and he started to back off little by little. When he finally managed to turn his back from them, Rynn was calling his name. He could not escape. A lamp post position for me, again? He asked himself, sarcastically.
It turn out to be she wanted to hug him as well. Jae Joong was shocked, but he agreed to it. Maybe this is the last time he'd ever see her again. But something has struck him as the ordinary girl's hand reached out and hug him close to her body. It was a different being hug by Changmin or the other member.

She was crying so softly. The warm tears fell down and he can feel it through his thin shirt. The girl is real. The feeling is real. It is very hard for you to say goodbye, isn't it? He felt it in him. That is what she was trying to say. It's a girl's language. He understand this language, its just that he have not meet a girl for a long time.
So he hugged her back. Long time ago, there was a girl like her in his life. Long, long time ago.
"Goodbye." Jae Joong said it anyway. "Please get well soon. We will text you!" he smiled with a sank heart.
"Goodbye, my lost puppy.." Changmin smiled cheekily. (Obviously he don't really feel what Jae Joong felt towards her. Changmin never in love with a girl before!)
And they both left.

Jae Joong drove the car slowly. He was so quiet after they left Rynn's apartment. Changmin was busy memorizing some songs from his iPod, so he did not bother what Jae Joong is thinking or doing. He was more into remembering his sweet moment with Rynn. The girl was so amazing and amuzing, too. Changmin had the feeling that they will be good friends for a long time, and with God's will they might end up dating as well! He blushed a little, thinking of how good it will be if Jae Joong-hyung was not there. They might be snogging back then! Changmin smiled again. It was a great experience, except for Rynn being stabbed. Oh no! That was not good at all!

Jae Joong bit his lips a little, Rynn's sad face were playing in his mind. He touched his own chest, and he still able to feel the warmth of her tears. It is very weird. So weird... and why... The attraction was so strong.. Did Changmin felt it? He looked at Changmin who is half asleep next to him.
"Obviously not!" He smirked a little and steer the wheel.

sad Jae Joong...

(changmin with sad looking face)
sad Changmin as he had to say goodbye to Rynn that night...

DBSK Fan Fiction - part 2 updated!

2008-01-11T01:14:00.000+08:00

Title: When You Said You Loved Me
Characters: Shim Chang Min / Kim Jae Joong (JaeMin SoulFighter)
Length: until now, it just begin...
Rating/Genre:
Summary: it's a love story begin to bloom between Changmin and a mysterious girl he met on the street, but it became more complicated as Jae Joong came across their way.

Chapter 2.

Jae Joong ring the doorbell once. Not even in a split second, the door is unlocked. He stepped in quickly, afraid to be seen by anyone.
“Ahh..~” he said, “So, this is your girlfriend’s place? It’s so tidy! Lucky you to have such girlfriend! She will definitely clean up the mess that you’ve made in your room…” Jae Joong sniggered softly the moment he saw Changmin.
“Yea, yea.. very funny!” Changmin replied back, the only thing he could think to reply at the moment. You’re lucky, hyung, that I am extremely worried I can’t hit you…

Jae Joong put down the stuff he bought from the mart aside.
“Where is she?” he asked.
“In her room..” Changmin said and pointing to the right at the same time.
“You carried her? How romantic.. I’m so jealous..!” Jae Joong laughed softly. How he would love to see how Changmin carried the girl into the bedroom. Ah, I imagined too much of Changmin…
“Hyung, can you please stop teasing me..? Somebody needs your help and that’s somebody is me. So, please.. I really don’t know who else to ask for help.”

Changmin seems never really do this to him, but now obviously he is begging Jae Joong to help the girl. This is so not you, Changminnie… Jae Joong give him a subtle look, and lick his lips a little. He is not thinking of anything but wondering why would Changmin act so serious like this towards the girl, but never as serious as this towards the members.. or me..
“Arasseo.. I’ll help you.” He replied in polite tone. But it does not end there.
“I’ll help you because she already saved your life. Hope she won’t suddenly get up and slash us in return afterwards. Then it’ll be just like in the movie… what was it called again…?”
“Stop it, hyung.. or I’ll have to kill you myself..”
“Okay! Okay! I was joking! Haha. Changminnie, why are you so serious? Haha.” He laughed softly before Changmin starts pinching him on the hand.

Jae Joong brought in a face towel and a bowl of water, together with a cooling sheet into Rynn’s room. Changmin followed him from behind, looking at all his delicate movements. He must agree that Jae Joong is graceful in handling people, or while doing the house work. He must be a girl in his past life!
Jae Joong quickly took her temperature and measuring her pulse.
“I must say, she have a weak body… What’s her name, again..”
“Rynn.” Changmin replied.
“Yes, Rynn.” He repeated himself. “If she didn’t take good care of herself, she can get sick very easily.” He took a glance at Rynn’s face and turn back to Changmin with a stare.
“Some more!” He snapped. “How could you told me it was only a 18-stitches cut? It was a good, big stab right through her shoulder! It’s not a small cut.” How Jae Joong loved to give Changmin a huge smack on his back.
“Really? But that’s what the doctor told me. A cut.” He grinned and acted dumb.
“Come on, hyung.. That time I was too panic to explain properly to you..” He continue talking but grinning at the same time.

Jae Joong stared at him in amazement. Now, isn’t he cute, trying to be funny and all that..?
“But hyung, will everyone be worried if we don’t come home tonight? And you will end up in trouble again, just like the time when we drank some bitter juice together..”
“It’s ok!” Jae Joong cut him short. “Don’t remind me of that bitter juice story.. grr..” He paused for awhile, trying to forget the stupid incident during their early time in SM Entertainment. But it’s a good thing to know that Changmin was concerned about him, too.
“Hyung will give Yunho a call and it will be alright.”
He took the face towel and throw it on Changmin’s lap.
“Just give the towel a dip in the water, squeezed it, and put it on her forehead. Try to reduce the heat from her body, while I’ll be in the kitchen. Cooking. You must be hungry… I mean, she..” Jae Joong gulped a little. How could the word slips so easily? Darn it!
“Ne, agesumnida!” He nodded, seems not to hear the last part.

Changmin eventually start doing what Jae Joong asked him to without a word. He felt a bit sorry for dragging Jae Joong-hyung down together with him. Both of them might be facing a huge screwing from the management. Mianhe, Jae Joong-hyung…

********

Changmin went out from Rynn's room after he took care of her for the past two hours. He still worried because her temperature still not decreasing. Somehow Jae Joong was calling him to come out, so he just listen. Maybe he should take a little break. Hyung said he is cooking ramen, Yunho's favourite dish when all of them touring Japan. His stomach grumbled a little. Changmin was hungry. He haven't had his dinner yet. It's already 3am, its already late for dinner. No wonder he felt so hungry.
“And you call this ramen…?” Changmin asked as he looked disbelief over a noodle cup on the table in front of him. “Hyung, is this a joke?” he continued.
“Uhh.. well.. you can leave it if you don’t like it..” Jae Joong sulked a little.
“Well, I’m fine with it.. it’s not that I never eat a cup noodles before. In fact, all of us ate it quite often during CM or MV shoots. But, you took like 2 hour in the kitchen! What did you do?” Changmin glanced at him again.
“What do you think I was doing..?” Jae Joong replied. He likes to see Changmin’s reaction changed from time to time. If they were not in other people’s house, Jae Joong knew he would definitely get a huge smack on his head for trying to be funny! Usually they both will end up quarrelling, poking and groping and fighting with each other on the bed with a lot of pillows, and get a good laugh about it.

Changmin gushed his breath slowly. Something really fishy is going on, somewhere. Changmin can sensed it. I am so want to ‘ kill’ you right now, Jae Joong-hyung!! He grab a seat on the sofa and stared at Jae Joong’s eyes.
“You know what, hyung..? Just forget it. Forget what I said, okay?”
Changmin was about to grab the cup noodle on the coffee table when Jae Joong quickly took it first.
“Andwae…~” he grumbled. “This is mine. Igeo ga chega.” Jae Joong said in soft tone.
“Yours is inside the kitchen. Go and get it yourself, you lazy bum..”
“Hyung, you’re such a big bully..” he mumbled and got up quickly while Jae Joong continued laughing. As Changmin walks closer to the kitchen, he could smells something intriguing. On the dining table, he saw a pot of samgyetang (chicken soup with ginseng) and a bowl of chicken broth ramen, deliciously decorated with some green veggies, white cauliflower, cherry tomatoes and poached egg. Changmin felt his heart thudding rapidly. He was so touched to see a very well-prepared food from Jae Joong for him. Jae Joong was merely joking about the cup noodles just now.
“Hyung…” he went out quickly from the kitchen and took a seat closely to his hyung. Jae Joong was doing some childish pout and still holding tight to his cup noodles.
"*Bulpyeong jom haji ma. Because I don’t want to exchange my food with you.” Jae Joong said, giddily. (*In Korean means, ‘Stop complaining’.)

<Changmin is sitting closely to Jae Joong, trying to persuade him..>

Changmin burst into laughter and he quickly gave Jae Joong a bear hug. So, there goes the impact. He felt like a chain-lightning has struck him on the spot, melting him. He was in a total silence as he could feel Changmin’s breaths blowing next to his ear, softly. He wanted to push him aside, but he could not resist. In fact, he likes it very much….
“Hyung, why are you troubling yourself like this? And why you’re eating cup noodles when there is plenty of good food to eat?” Changmin just speak his mind.
“Changminnie, the food is only enough for the two of you. Somehow, hyung hope you're happy because its the truth I'm telling." Jae Joong took a deep breath. "This girl really live by herself. Aigoo..~ You can simply tell it when you see her kitchen. When I looked at her fridge, all ingredients in the fridge is only enough for one person! It took me an hour just to find everything that can be cook for two inside her kitchen. Aigoo.. I was having a hard time.. So, please eat. Meogeosso! Don’t worry about hyung. I'll be okay. Gwenchanayo..”
“But hyung, I don't want to feel bad..” Changmin insisted.
“Ani, gwenchana..” Jae Joong refused.
"Shiroo~ you must eat.." Changmin begged and begged.
"Shiroo..~ Aigoo, Changminnie.. you're so annoying.." replied Jae Joong and quickly close his ears with both of his hands.

Changmin suddenly had an idea. A stupid one, but it might works.
“Hyung, come and share it with me please…?” Changmin grab Jae Joong’s hand and pull him to a small dining table in Rynn’s kitchen.
“Shiroo..~ Anmeogeo..~” Jae Joong wanted to pull back his hand but he couldn’t. He just can’t. His heart is beating rapidly. He stared quite a moment at Changmin’s handsome face, smiling at him.
“Please?” He begged again, with a killer smile.
“Changminnie, don’t you feel funny acting like this to hyung?” Jae Joong asked, feeling a little bit uneasy. Changmin pondered for a second and shook his head a little.
“Aniyo! We are sworn brothers. We can share anything!” He confessed, before his lips curved into a sweet, sexy smile. Jae Joong smiled back to him without a second thought. He could feel his face blushes as the blood rose very quickly to his head. He swear he will remember every single meaningful word that Changmin had told him just now.

For once, Changmin felt that Jae Joong should be treated nicely. After all, Jae Joong is so considerate and modest to him.
“Hyung, you must be tired and hungry too. Please have a bite.” Changmin offered the first bite to Jae Joong.
“Haha. This is really weird! Haha.” Jae Joong laughed, but tried to hide his mouth. The face turned pinkish in a second. He laughed and laughed. But he was really really happy!
“You are so bad! Don't laugh! Stop laughing!” Changmin bite his lips and could not stop blushing too. Aigoo..
“Haha. Ok. Then, you must feed me. If you don't, then the deal is over.” Jae Joong unable to help it. He just teased and teased him continuously. Changmin stared at Jae Joong in disbelief. It's definitely going to be uncanny if Changmin agree to the request. But, who cares? There's nobody else here. “Ne, agesumnida!” he replied, unexpectedly.

As Changmin began to scoop out the ramen and a bit of veggie with chopsticks, Jae Joong on the other hand was feeling a litlle bit uneasy. He was nervous. It isn't right, but Jae Joong felt so right. He don't know why he is feeling like this. Its weird, its weird, but he couldn't stop it. It's madness!
"Now, open your mouth... I'm feeding you now.." Changmin held the spoon gently, near to Jae Joong's mouth. Jae Joong ate the ramen slowly from Changmin's spoon.
"How was it, mashisseoyo?" ask Changmin, in a soft tone. He smiled as he watched Jae Joong chewing the food and swallowing it slowly. Jae Joong felt shy suddenly. He knew Changmin was watching him.
"How can I answer to my own cooking, you crazy? Come, its my turn to feed you now.." said Jae Joong as he quickly took the spoon from Changmin's hand.
"Waeyo?" Changmin asked in astonishment.
"Because.." Jae Joong begin to pick the ramen and veggies with his chopsticks now and put it on the spoon. "..we are sworn brothers.. and doing like this.." he continued as he held his spoon closely to Changmin's lips. ".. doing this, is alright.." he ended there. Changmin smiled, and agreed to it quietly. He held Jae Joong's hand, ate it from his spoon and start chewing.

Jae Joong did not dare to blink his eyes. He just stared at Changmin like he never saw him before. Moment like this, how he wish it could last a bit longer. It is not easy to be alone, only the two of them together just like this. There will always be Yoochunnie coming over and start interfering, or that Junsunie with his gags or magic card tricks of his. He secretly wishing this moment to last.
"Eung, mashisseoyo! Choa yo! I like your cooking, really tasty!" He said, quickly digging the ramen with his chopsticks.
"Ah, jeongmal? Ah, so happy!!" Jae Joong smiled and started to thank God for the gifted talent... (so vain?)
"Uh, hyung.. there's.. there's..." Changmin immediately took his finger to Jae Joong's lips.
"There's a stain on your mouth.. You eat like a small boy.." he complained and gently wiping Jae Joong's lips with his finger.

Jae Joong froze for a second. This time, he felt like he was struck by an icebolt. His body were so became so frozen and numb he just can't breathe. He even felt like fainting when Changmin kissed and sucked the tip of his finger and thumb quickly; it was the leftover of the broth on Jae Joong's lips... And by doing that, obviously they had accidently kissed each other..
"Ahh..~ It's too tasty to be wasted.." Changmin said as he continued eating. "Hyung, you must cook this ramen for me again next time.."
"Eung, eung, arasseo. Will do. Will do." Jae Joong replied softly but he still trembled deep inside. His soul was sort of out of his body for a while. Changmin sensed something is not right somewhere, because Jae Joong suddenly went quiet as if he just met a ghost.
"Hyung, why? Anything wrong?" He asked politely. Jae Joong quickly snapped from his dream. "Eung, aniyo.. nothing. Nothing. Let's eat.." He quickly changed the subject but actually Jae Joong couldn't stop thinking about it....

****************

mianhe.. continue again.. XD

< "The happy Changmin and Jae Joong with his cooking.." >

< "Can't believe Changminnie did this to me.." He said as Jae Joong can't stop thinking of the 'kissing' incident..>

***************

read Part 1 here.....

DBSK Fan Fiction - Part 1

2008-01-09T13:51:00.000+08:00

Can't believe I'm writing a fan-fiction based on Dong Bang Shin Ki!!
I'm posting it here... well, it's only one quarter of the story... Hope non of Dong Bang Shin Ki Casseiopeia will come and kill me! >___<" joesunghamnida! Pls dont kill me... it just for the sake of fun...

The heroin: Rynn (created by me. No such person existed)

The hero: Shim Chang Min @ Max Choikang Changmin DBSK and Kim Jae Joong @ Hero Youngwoong Jae Joong DBSK.

The friends: The rest of DBSK members

Location: City of Seoul, South Korea

__________________

Chapter 1. What is the temperature of love now?

It was drizzling. Rynn felt a slight cold on her chest. Maybe its because she don’t really have much fat to burn. Her slim fingers went numb. She trembled as she tried to open up her pink umbrella. In this big city of Seoul, anything can possibly happen.

As she walking down the street, she passed by a huge billboard of Dong Bang Shin Ki, again. Those boys are pretty popular these days… she mumbles and chuckles as she keep on walking slowly, trying to find her way back home. She still cant believe that there is such boyband, so successful and very likeable by everyone. How she wish to meet them in person, catch one of their live performances or something like that. Or a concert, maybe…. She really would love to see them with her own eyes. Are they really, REALLY as cool as they look?

But right now, she’s kinda lost in the city and she need aid… Rynn sort of have forgotten her way back home. Eventhough she has been here since two weeks ago, she still not familiar with the road yet and still very easy to get lost.
“What’s wrong with me? I didn’t go THAT far, didn’t I? Urgh.., I’m such an idiot..” she grumbles and mumbles to herself again as she flip through her pocket Korean dictionary. She needs to ask direction from the local. She needs to go home.

Suddenly she was distracted by some giggles not so far from her sight. It was a bunch of Korean ladies swarming around a guy, or she should addressed the guy as the most tallest, hottest, cutest Korean man she’d ever seen in her life so far! He is tall, thin but tough –looking, wide chest, broad-shouldered, dark-haired shaggy hair, handsome looking face with a curvy, sexy lips. He has a killer smile too. He is like an angel. Rynn felt her heart stop beating for a second. It was one massive impact indeed.

Not so far behind them, she saw a dorky-looking guy creeping slowly with a knife towards the handsome guy. She wanted to scream, but those voice seems to choke.
“Darn! What should I do?” she panicked. “I cant stand here and watch him dead??” she mumbled again. She have to do something before its too late…

So Rynn decided to get herself near the handsome guy and start shouting.
“Hey you! Run!” she screamed. The tall guy looked at her in surprised. The girls around him seems angry, staring at her as they felt like strangling her right away. Or, they just don’t understand English…
“Run now, you idiot!!” She dropped her umbrella and run towards the handsome guy as fast as she could. The guy still look puzzled and in shock.

The dorky boy with knife didn’t wait either. He walked even faster towards the handsome guy, wanting to slash him right away and done with it. Rynn can see it in his face. The dork one seems furious, full of anger and jealousy that she couldn’t imagine. She don’t really know what she’s doing, but she knows her heart saying that she’s doing the right thing.

Rynn got there slightly earlier that the dork. She stand right in front of the handsome guy, stared at him just before she could feel a sharp, tingling sensation, burning pain from her left shoulder to her back. The bunch of girls stood there, they screamed and shrieked as they saw the incident. Someone is trying to kill HIM. The dorky guy panicked for slashing the wrong person, quickly ran away after dropping his knife which is full of blood.
“Meomchuseyo!!!*” (meaning 'stop' in Hangguk)
The handsome guy shouted in panic, asking the guy to stop running. He moved Rynn aside and try to run after the bad guy before he could disappear in the darkness. He lost him in a second. Looking so frustrated and angry, he get back to Rynn. His eyes widen as he saw a lot of blood running down from Rynn’s knitted shirt.

Rynn smiled in relief seeing the handsome guy is okay and unharmed. At least, I’ve done what I supposed to, and you’re safe..
“Gwenchanayo?” asked the ‘prince’, politely. But he could not control his voice, it sounds shaky and Rynn knew he is worried.
“Eodi apayo?” He held Rynn closely and keep staring at her eyes, as he was wondering why on earth did the girl sacrificed for him at the first place. Its very brave of her, not even one of the girls he hanged out with just now would do the same thing.
“Mianhe, hanggumal mothamnida. I speaks English. I’m not Korean..” Rynn replied back, smiling but he knew she is in pain.
“But you just speaks in Korean, my dear..” he smiles a bit.
“You can speak English? Thank God!” Rynn giggled. The handsome guy grinned and smirked at the same time. He can’t believe Rynn has a mindset that Koreans are zero in English. Can’t believe you said that to my face…
“I think you need to see a doctor..” he said, in a very polite tone.
“Yeah, I think I should too.. I’m feeling weak..” She nearly fell but the guy manage to grab her skinny body.

The guy face turned sour as he held her up. The cut is deeper that he thought. She bleed quite a lot, too. But she act tough in front of me.. Wae? Why? Why she hid her pain from my sight? He felt pain in his heart in a sudden. Does she know who I am? But he doubted it. This girl didn’t say his name at all!
“So, there is some girls in Korea who still don’t know who I am..” Changmin mumbled to himself. “Well, she’s not even a Korean.. So it’s not weird if she didn’t know me..” he whispered and murmured all by himself in the taxi.

Rynn already can’t feel her arm. She felt so weak, and she didn’t know why. She finally surrender, letting her body to rest as she closed her eyes…
“Ajusshi!” Changmin poked her on her body and cheek a few times. He shaked her whole body but it seems lifeless. She passed out.
“Ppalli yo!” Changmin urged the taxi drive to speed up, as he held Rynn’s motionless body tightly next to his.

*************

Rynn opened her eyes slowly. I fell asleep, wasn’t I? She asked herself. As she turn to her head to aside, she saw a handsome young man sitting closely next to her, looking at her so dearly. The handsome, fine young man that she saved.
“How are you feeling?” he quickly asked.
“Where.. where am I.. Who, who are you…?” Rynn sounds dumb. Anyway, the handsome guy look obviously familiar. Rynn finally can see the guy’s face clearly under the white light.
Changmin smiled gleefully. This girl is so amuzing.
“Are you a lost puppy?” he asked, sarcastically.
“What.. what did you just say?”
“Are you a ‘lost puppy’? Why did a girl like you wander around in the city alone, not knowing the place, not knowing the language, prefer to get stabbed and end up admitted to the emergency ward?”

Rynn quickly looked around and found out her body is nicely bandage. She quickly tried to get up, that is when Changmin’s face changed.
“Aigoo..~ Please be careful! Don’t move too much~ Or else your wound will bleed again..” he snapped. He help her got up on the bed. Rynn said sorry quite a few times.
“You don’t have to say sorry. I’m the should be saying that. You’re here because of my fault.” He said softly. “By the way, ireumi mwo eyo? I’m Changmin!”
“I’m Rynn.” She replied.
“Rynn, from….”
“Malaysia saram eyo.”
“Ahhh.…~” he say it in a long ‘ah’. He seems not surprised at all. “I’ve been there before.. Kuala Lumpur, very hot..” he smiled cheekily.
“I see, you’ve been in my country before. Amazing. Of course, cos you’re.. Oh my God, don’t tell me you’re Changmin? Err, are you THAT Changmin? THAT Choikang Changmin???” Rynn screamed a bit. Changmin seems to nod his head several times.

Rynn realized it all now. All the CM, all the MV, the huge billboard by the street, even on the Lotte sticks, it’s HIM! It’s really him!!! Max, Choikang Changmin!!! She blushes suddenly. She felt like God is playing with her now.
“Changmin-sshi, can I, can I go home?” she asked softly. She don’t feel like staying overnight there.
“Hm?” he nodded. “Why not… I’ll send you..”
“ But, I.. I.. I really don’t know where I lived…”
“What??” Changmin burst into laughter. She’s not trying to find way to get into my house, is she?
“I have the address, but I don’t know where it is… Seriously!” she cries, feeling embarrassed when Changmin still laughing at her. Poor Rynn!
“Can you help? Jeosonghamnida!” she apologized.
So she isn’t joking.. Really a lost puppy..
“Ah, aniyo.. gwenchana…~” Changmin smiled at her, believed that she is sincere. Again, Rynn felt her heart skipped a beat. The massive impact, again.

<Laughing at Rynn..>

She pass him her phone, containing a memo of her own address. He looked at it, humming a bit, and pass back the phone to her hand.
“Okay! No problem… Ka ja?” He quickly helped her get off from the bed.
Changmin really CAN’T believe it. This girl doesn’t even know where her house is!! Total cuteness to him, absolute ‘lost puppy’! He never experienced anything like this before, so this moment is quite special to him. Shim Changmin, a man with everything with a girl who knows nothing.

They both kept quiet in the taxi, until they totally reached a place which Rynn can recognized.
“Hey, you found my house!” she cries in excitement.
“Of course, you little puppy..” replied Changmin, with a grin. “I know this place so well..”
“Oh really. I thought you only rely on the taxi driver.”
Changmin starts laughing and looked at her in amazed. He pulled her closely to him.
“Now, I’ll send you exactly to your doorstep.. okay?” he insisted and smiled.

Rynn left with no other choice but to agree to him. She didn’t know how to react. Rynn decided to stay calm and just enjoy the moment while it still last.
“I believed, we’re here. Your home.” he said, as he looked at the apartment’s nicely carved wooden door.
“Yes, we are. Gomawoyo..” Rynn bow as paying her gratefulness to him. He quickly held her up as disagree to her action.
“No! No, no.. Don’t thank me like this. I’m so embarrassed! I’m the one who should be saying thank you to you. I didn’t know the anti-fans would go this far. It’s all my fault you got hurt. Please, don’t bow to me..” He said in a sad tone.
“I’m glad that you didn’t got hurt. Thank you anyway, for sending me back home.” Rynn smiled and quickly unlocked the door in front of her.

Changmin didn’t understand why his heart pounded very quickly, as him being nervous. He didn’t know why he is hoping for the girl to turn around and say something to him. Or stop him. He don’t understand why he would wish such thing to happen, and why her. But he seems to secretly wishing for it. He secretly wished for Rynn to give him one romantic moment since this is his FIRST time to hang like a couple with a girl.

This girl really gave an impact to his brain. He knew he was wishing for something impossible, because they are both strangers. They don’t know each other. They say ‘hi’, and they end up saying ‘bye’. That’s what stranger do. They don’t see each other after that anymore….
“Changmin-sshi..”
Changmin studdered in astonishment.
“I’m asking you as a friend. Would you like to come in and at least, have a cup of coffee before you leave?”
Rynn never felt so nervous before. She knew she might have to face the biggest rejection ever in her life but at least, she tried. Who is she anyway? Exactly. Rynn, just an average girl and Changmin, a superstar. He is a man of every girl’s dream. They can never be together. She should probably stop dreaming...

Changmin turned around and his lips start to curve a smile at her. He nods a little.
“Sure. Why not.” He replied back, seems so happy to get the invitation.
So Rynn open the door as he enterered slowly into the hall. The light is dim and the hall is tidy. As Rynn shut the door closed, she turned on one light on the other side of the hall. She slowly walked into the kitchen and start doing her thing.
Changmin still looking around, amazed to be in a girl’s place.
“Hot keopi?” she asked him from far.
“Eung, maja.” He replied back and continue enjoying his view. She has a nice white lace curtain, a cute picture of her in high school uniform, plushy pillow everywhere in different funky colours, and a few fashion magazines lying around the sofa.
“You like my place? I just found it two weeks ago. Not bad, right..?” Rynn told him and hand over a mug fill with hot white coffee. Changmin held it nicely and have his first sip.
“Wahhh..~” he cries in surprised. “It tasted so..”
“Unique and nice?” Rynn asked him back. He quickly nodded and have another sip. It was the best coffee he ever tasted. It’s very different, unexplainable.
“I was a coffee master back then in my place. I even brought my mini espresso machine here so I can served good coffee. It’s one of my passion.” Rynn smiled and sit down on her favourite spot. She offered him a seat.

Changmin played around with the mug before he could look up at her and begin to chat. He wanted to know a lot, but he don’t know how to start. Maybe I should ask a simple question first….
“Rynn-sshi, if you don’t mind. Why you’re here? I mean, in Korea? Is there any particular reason?” He asked, curiously.
“Yes, there is.. But it seems quite impossible now. I didn’t expect Korea to be this big. Being in Seoul itself, haha, I got lost so many times!” Rynn giggles softly and still thinking of what a stupid arse she was this evening.
“So you’re sure looking for someone, I see…” just as he thought!
“Wow, you’re smart!. Changmin will always be Changmin. A smart university student with a blessed voice..”
“Oh no, stop praising me. I’ll blushed!” He laughed.
“Come on! Can you sing a little for me..?” Rynn simply begged. She knew he will sing if she ask for it.
“Sing? Now? Ok..” and Changmin starts singing the chorus of ‘You’re My Miracle’ gently. His voice really soothing, Rynn almost drown in her own imagination.
“Wow..~ that is veryyyyy good.” She clapped her hands, applausing.
“Ah, aniyo.. don’t praise me. I’m very shy..” Changmin giggled a little. Rynn giggles a little, because Changmin look so cute when he is embarrassed.

She put down her mug on the coffee table and start to dozed off. Her body felt so weak than ever. Rynn was not sure if it’s the medication or something else. She felt sleepy and very tired. A buzz of someone handphone broke down the silence.
“Oh, mianhe. It’s my phone.” Changmin snapped and quickly searched his pocket for it. He took a peep at the screen and mumbled.. “Argh! It’s hyung!”
He quickly answered the call.
“Yeoboseyo?” When Changmin picked the phone he knew he’ll get toasted!
“Changminnie, you naughty boy! Where WERE you?? You makes us all so worried!! You were with us in the club, and you told Yunho that you’re going to the bathroom. The next minute, you disappeared with some girls.. Are you going crazy??” Jae Joong cannot help it but continuously blabbering at him as soon as he picked up.
“It’s a long story, hyung.. Joesunghamnida.. Please don’t get mad at me..” Changmin speaks in soft tone and try to calm him down.
“What’s so long about it? Cos Hyung have plenty of time to listen to all of your excuses!” Jae Joong shrieked.
“Hyung, I nearly got slashed by an anti-fan. But that bad guy managed to get away..”
“You what? Mwo rago? Yah, yah.. Changminnie~ where did he slashed you? Neol gwenchana? Are you ok? Did you get hurt?” Jae Joong’s eyes wide open. He was in a state of shock in his life. His heart pounded so quickly, he feel like choking for a moment.

Changmin heard Jae joong’s voice suddenly changed. He trembled and trembled. It's really Jae Joong, he cares about the members a lot.
“Don’t worry, hyung. I’m not hurt at all, not a single scratch. But there’ s girl, she was the one who saved me..”
“A girl?"
“She..” Changmin felt like breaking down to tears. His throat feels so dry. He was still touched by her courage.
“Changminnie.. This isn’t like you at all. Did anything happen to the girl..” Jae Joong's tone goes even lower, he can sense Changmin’s sadness too. It’s obvious to him that Changmin is unhappy.
“Hyung, she.. she took the place for me. I’m the one who should get slashed but instead, she took it for me! The cut was quite serious, she got about 18 stitches. When the doctor told me about it, I feel so bad! She’s just a girl, she’ll have ugly scar, all my fault. My fault. But I didn’t have heart to tell her.”
“I didn’t tell her. I just can’t! And I didn’t tell her that she had to stay in hospital for another day or two…” Changmin explained in a very sad, tensed voice. Jae Joong felt it too. He must felt so bad about it… Jae Joong bit his lips and he listen quietly as Changmin keeps on talking (in Korean of course, he didn’t want Rynn to understand). “When she said she want to go home, I agree right away and sent her back. I didn’t have heart to say no. So, now I’m in her house. It’s okay, I am safe here. No one saw me.”

Jae Joong held his breath up and blew it slowly. He felt much better. More relief. Changmin did not get hurt at all, but some mysterious girl appeared to be some superwoman..? Jae Joong chucked a bit, before he heard Changmin’s voice get annoyed by his ignorance.
“Hyung? Hyung? Hyung!! You monster! Are you still there, are you listening? Or you’re laughing at me??”
“Hey, who are you calling ‘monster’? Where are you, want me to come over?” asked Jae Joong, quickly.
“Eung, sure. But please don’t tell the others. Just come alone, please. I don’t want everyone to get worry. I’ll explain to Yunho, Yoochun and Junsu myself.. also to the manager…” He said confidently. Jae Joong cant agree more to Changmin’s wise decision.
“Ahhh..~ Arasseo, arraseo… I’ll make up some story and come to see you now..”
KLIK! He quickly hung up the phone.

Changmin sighed. So, he told Jae Joong-hyung about it. He almost forgot about Rynn. She must be sick bored listening to their superspeed Korean conversation. He moved from his spot and went closer to Rynn. She seems to be asleep. So quiet, so angelic.
"Mwo ya..? I can't be falling in love with this, this puppy!" he snapped at himself. But he can't deny that he had a slight feeling for her, and he felt so uneasy for that. He sat down on the floor, next to her, looking at her sleeping face. This is what guy usually do when their girl is sleeping.. Most novel says so..

As he drew himself closer, he felt a slight heat coming from Rynn's body.
"Oh my God.. She having fever already..." Changmin panicked. He touches her forehead and a sharp warmth hit his hand immediately.
"Otteoke.. Hyung!" His mind automatically thinks of Jae Joong. He will come handy in this kind of situation since he is very good at taking care sick people. He took care of Yoochunnie before.
"Hyung, it's me!" he cries as Jae Joong pick up the phone.
"Ooh.." He had to pick up this kid's call even while he is driving! Jae Joong mumbled to himself. "Yes, I know it's you! Whats the matter now..."
"The girl, she already fell sick.." Changmin slowly pinching his own head. And I'm such an idiot who don't know how to handle this...
"Hum? Ah, arasseo. I'll get some medication and come over quickly. You don't worry, I'm nearby." Jae Joong quickly pull over and stop exactly in front of the 24-hours mart.

*************

will be continued......

read Part 2 here...

:: Another Year ::

2007-12-22T02:21:00.000+08:00

(Pic: Pac-Man in action.. LOL, look at the Darth Vader guy knocking the poor thing... CF2007 LVL 6, Berjaya Times Square)

Another year is passing me by. Cute guys around me but I cant really respond. I feel scared. My old scars are burning everytime I think of a relationship. Not even Jae Joong or Daniel Henney can help me. It just this bizarre feeling I had. I just have to think how make things right again.

Living live alone in a city that you're unsure of is very nasty. I dont have must friends. I dont have must time to spend with friends. It's pretty uncommon problem but it happen to me. I'm too busy with my own world. Just realized that this Christmas I will turn exactly 24. I'm getting older. Time is moving. Nothing changed. Nanimo kawanai. Chotto mitte kangaetetta. Do shiyou ka? What should I do now. Settled down, as my father said. But how? Told you, not even Jae Joong can help me. Ah, kamisama.. tasukete kureru..

I missed my family. I wanna go home. But I cant. I drifted too far. I have a career now in KL, hell I'm the one who choose to be here at first place, didnt I?

And next year resolution for me is, to make myself and my fams proud. Dunno how, but will do. Married? Naaaahhh... another light year. So too bad lah Mr. F and Mr. A... not now, just not yet. SM Ent. contract? J-Tune? One In A Million? LOL not that kind of dream too, too old to be an idol..... we'll see lah then.....

:: Circles -Mariah Carey ::

2007-04-13T16:59:00.000+08:00

Ever since you left me
I've been trying to hide the pain
Painting on a smile with lipstick
Putting on a big charade
So difficult to keep pretending
It's getting harder everyday
It's plain to see I'm cold and heartsick
Since you turned and walked away
I just keep going round and round
And round in circles
Keep on tumbling down

[chorus]Oh boy my world has changed
And I don't think I can make it without out you
Nothing's the same
You got me running around in circles over you(running around in circles over you)

Saturday I saw you
Holding hands with someone new
Somehow I kept my composure
Just like everything was cool
But inside I kept repeating
Don't you let them see you cry
So I casually turned my head
As the tears rolled down my eyes
I just keep going round and round
And round in circles
Keep on tumbling down

[chorus]
Oh boy my world has changed
And I don't think I can make it without you
Nothing's the same
You got me running around in circles over you

Everything is you
How can I pull through
My heart is consumed
I'm so confused
Still caught up in you...love can be so cruel
Baby don't know how to turn you loose

[chorus]
Oh boy my world has changed
And I don't think I can make it without you
No, nothing's the same
You got me running around
And running around
And running around
Nothing's the same
Baby baby cause you
Got me running around
In circles over you(running around in circles over you)

:: In My Bed ::

2007-01-26T16:31:00.000+08:00

In My Bed lyrics (Naega Nuweottteon Chimdae)

Oneul deureosseo
nege saero-un namjaga saenggyeotttago beolsseo
ni chingu-ui ibeul tonghaeseo modu da peojyeosseo
niga eotteoke sagwigo inneunji neomu nollabeoryeosseo

Na-ege ju-eottteon ttokkkateun seonmureul mandeureojweosseo
ttokkkateun naeyongi damgin pyeonjil deotpputyeosseo
ireon sarangeun cheo-eumiramyeonseo baby

Naega nuweottteon chimdae-e nuweo
naege ju-eottteon nunbicheul jumyeo
sarangeul nanweo dareun saramgwa eotteoke beolsseo ireoke nal ijeo
mideojijiga anha jeongmal nal saranghagineun han geon maja
naneun ajiktto dareun sarangeun saenggakjjochado haji mothaneunde

Nareul bulleottteon ttokkkateun hochingeuro geu sarameul bureugo
naega neol deryeo gan gottteureul geu saram sonjapkko
machi cheo-eumgaboneun saramcheoreom seolle-ineun cheokhamyeo
modeun ge nawa hamkkehaettteon sojunghan chu-eoktteurinde
geu saramgwa dashihamyeon da jiweojiltende
urichu-eokttereul wae ji-uneunde waewae

Naega nuweottteon chimdae-e nuweo
naege ju-eottteon nunbicheul jumyeo
sarangeul nanweo dareun saramgwa eotteoke beolsseo ireoke nal ijeo
mideojijiga anha jeongmal nal saranghagineun han geon maja
naneun ajiktto dareun sarangeun saenggakjjochado haji mothaneunde

Naega tattteon cha
naega attteon uija
naega seo-ittteon jari-e geu sarami isseo
saranghandago maradeon ipssullo ije dareun saramui ibeul matjjugo isseo

translation:

I heard it today
That you already have a new man
From you friends mouth, it was passed on
How you were keeping company surprised me

You made the same present that you gave me
Adding a letter with the same content
Saying that this kind of love is a first for you, baby

Lay in the bed I laid in
Giving the same look you once gave me
Split love with another person, how could you already forget me like this
I don't believe it, did you ever really love me
I still can't fathom loving again yet

Call him by the same nickname you called me
Hold his hand at the places I took you to
Like a person at a march for the first time, pretend to wait in anticipation
Those were all precious memories made with me
They'll all be erased if you do them with him too
Why are you erasing our memories, why why

Lay in the bed I laid in
Giving the same look you once gave me
Split love with another person, how could you already forget me like this
I don't believe it, did you ever really love me
I still can't fathom loving again yet

The car I rode in
The chair I sat in
That person is standing in my place
The lips that once told me they loved me are now matching someone else's lips

:: Landslyde ::

2006-07-22T14:32:00.000+08:00

I took my love and I took it down
I climbed a mountain and I turned around
And I saw my reflection in the snow-covered hills
Well the landslide brought me down

Oh mirror in the sky
What is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail thru the changing ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?
Uh huh
Uh huh, uh huh

Well I've been afraid of changing cause I built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Children get older
And I'm getting older too
Well..

Well I've been afraid of changing cause I built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Children get older
And I'm getting older too
Well I'm getting older too..

So take this love and take it down
Yeah and if you climb a mountain and ya turn around
And if you see my reflection in the snow-covered hills
Well the landslide brought me down
And if you see my reflection in the snow-covered hills
Well maybe
Well maybe
Well maybe
The landslide will bring you down

-Dixie Chicks-

: Pudar :

2006-04-08T15:29:00.000+08:00

"Pudar" - by Rossa

kurasakan pudar dalam hatiku
rasa cinta yang ada untuk dirimu
ku lelah dengan semua yang ada
ingin ku lepas semua

setan dalam hati ikut bicara
bagaimana kalau ku selingkuh saja
ku punya banyak teman lelaki
sepertinya ku kan bahagia

reff:
mestinya kau cari pengganti diriku saja
karena kita sudah tak saling bicara
pastikan cerita tentang kita yang telah lalu
hanya ada dalam ingatan hatimu

maafkan aku jika kau kecewa
bintangmu bukan lah untuk diriku
jika memang semua kan jadi cerita
ku tahu kau semakin terluka

repeat reff

kurasakan pudar dalam hatiku
rasa cinta yang ada untuk dirimu
ku lelah dengan semua yang ada
ingin ku lepas semua
setan dalam hati ikut bicara
bagaimana kalau ku selingkuh saja
ku punya banyak teman lelaki
sepertinya ku kan bahagia

": Salahkah Aku :

2006-04-08T15:15:00.000+08:00

"Salahkah Aku" - by The Muffins
support local Malaysian music!

Tak seindah
Hari hari yang ku idamkan
Untuk bersamamu
Tiada lagi ruang
Dihatimu

Untuk ku curahkan segala
Apa yang ku rasa
Tapi kau tak percaya
Siapa ku dihatimu
Hanya mengganggu hidupmu

Maafkanku
Aku tak berdaya
Membahagiakan kamu

Tiba saatnya
Ku kan pergi jua
Mengakhiri segalanya

(Korus)
Salahkah ku
Hanya mahu menyintaimu
Salahkah aku mendekati hatimu itu
Salahkah aku
Sekadar menemani dirimu
Salahkahku
Ku tak bisa meninggalkanmu

: Specially 2 My Syg :

2006-04-08T14:59:00.000+08:00

"Blind" - Lifehouse

I was young but I wasn't naive
I watched helpless as he turned around to leave
And still I have the pain I have to carry
A past so deep that even you could not bury if you tried

After all this time
I never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go

I would fall asleep
Only in hopes of dreaming
That everything would be like is was before
But nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting
They disappear as reality is crashing to the floor

After all this time
I never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go

After all this time
Would you ever wanna leave it
Maybe you could not believe it
That my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you will ever know
A part of me died when I let you go
And I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me dies when I let you go

: Nobody's Home :

2006-04-08T14:53:00.000+08:00

"Nobody's Home" -by Avril Lavigne

I couldn't tell you why she felt that way, She felt it everyday.
And I couldn't help her, I just watched her make the same mistakes again.

What's wrong, what's wrong now?
Too many, too many problems.
Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.

She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.

Open your eyes and look outside, find the reasons why.
You've been rejected, and now you can't find what you left behind.

Be strong, be strong now.Too many, too many problems.
Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.

She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.

Her feelings she hides.
Her dreams she can't find.
She's losing her mind.
She's fallen behind.
She can't find her place.
She's losing her faith.
She's fallen from grace.
She's all over the place.

Yeah,oh
She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.
She's lost inside, lost inside...oh oh
She's lost inside, lost inside...oh oh yeah

: Yo! Excuse Me Miss :

2006-04-08T14:38:00.000+08:00

"Yo (Excuse Me Miss)" by Chris Brown

Whoa Whoa
Do do do do do
YeahYeah

[Verse 1:]
Yo, Tell me fellas have you seen her? (Seen her)
It was about five minutes ago
When I seen the hottest chick
That a young'n
Never seen beforeI said
Yo, Tell her girls I want to meet her (meet her)
On second thought that ain't the way to go
I got give her game proper
Spit it so she'll get it
There she is
I got to stop her
Or should I talk about her smile? (It's been said before)
Or what about her style? (Too obvious)
I'm out of time
She's out the door
I got to go for mine
I think I'll say

[Chorus:]
Yo
I dont know your name but excuse me miss
I saw you from across the room
And I got to admit that you got my attention
You're making me want to say yo
I know you're trying to leave but excuse me miss I saved the last dance for you
How I love to keep you here with me oh baby

[Verse 2:]
Now shorty grab hold of my hand
And let's pretend the floor is ours
You say you don't really dance
Don't worry about it
We'll just 1,2 step1,2 step
Now if the music is moving too fast
Grab my hand a little tighter (tighter)
Don't be afraid to move a little closer
Girl, there is something about you that makes me want to say

[Chorus (2x):]
Yo
I don't know your name but excuse me miss
I saw you from across the room
And I got to admit that you got my attention
You're making me want to say yo
I know you're trying to leave but excuse me miss
I saved the last dance for you
How I love to keep you here with me oh baby

[Breakdown:]
I want to be where you are
Ain't nothing wrong with dancing
Baby it's so romantic
Baby I can be in your heart
So many things I want to tell you
I think that I should start by saying

Yo
I don't know your name but excuse me miss
I saw you from across the room
I got to give her game proper
Spit it so she get it
There she is- I got to stop her
I know your trying to leave but excuse me miss
I saved the last dance for you
How I love to keep you here with me oh baby

[Spoken:]
Now everbody just clap your hands like this(like this)
Just clap your hands like this (whoo like this)
And if your shorty in the house tonight
Just grab her by the hand homie
Make her understand yall was made to dance like this (like this)
Yall was made to bounce like this (whoa like this)
Just let her know she was made for you.
And you want to do everything she want to man.

[Laughs]

Whoo!

: IN VAIN :

2006-02-05T19:28:00.000+08:00

tah kadang² aku tapaham la dgn ape yg aku tgh alami skrg ni... tah nape aku nak kne alami tekanan yg mcm ni...? kdg² bende² ni buat aku sedar yg nothing is perfect... kat sane menderita, kat sini pun apa kurangnya.. kat sana, susah hati.. kat sini, apa bezanya?

tahbila baru aku boleh keluar dr semua ni. til when can this misery go away?
until when shud this pain slips from my veins?
i dont want to feel sorry but sometimes i just cant help it..this is not what i seek..
this is not supposed to go this way.. this is not the real thing, is it?
i can feel people are laughing at my stupid decision. and it hurts cos it wasnt supposed to be this way... cos i've put everything.., every tears, sweat and blood for this moment.. i've struggled and sacrifice..!! from the moment im here til now!!! but why is succeed aint with me now?!! WHY????

Life is forever sucks.. and it will NEVER BE perfect..
This is the real one.

: CoMiX :

2006-01-16T20:22:00.000+08:00

LIFE IS LIKE DIZ is back with fresh new issue PART 7!! 7th launching will be held on the 25th of February (SATURDAY 25/02/2006),Time: 11:59 PM(night) at POOL HALL,STEVENS CORNER PANDAN INDAH.Visit us to purchase your PART 7 copies,and to those who've missed PART 1,2,3,4 and 5 and 6,Copies also available for resale. 10 MYSTERY GIFTS for 10 EARLYBIRDS.An EXCLUSIVE limited edition gift for those who purchase 1 SET of LIFE IS LIKE DIZ (PART 1-7). Comics are sold at RM4 per copy.Here's your chance to be the ULTIMATE HIP! Be there or be square! See Ya Soon.. :) (Any Questions regarding this announcement e-mail skarchinz80@hotmail.com or message Ray`MiSHKA or Emmy`Adrill or {URTgir / Xara at MiRC #pengkid.) LIFE IS LIKE DIZ kini kembali dengan isu hebat dalam PART 7!! Jualan akan diadakan pada 25 February (Sabtu-25/02/2005)pada pukul 11:59malam di POOL HALL,STEVENS CORNER PANDAN INDAH. PART 1,2,3,4, 5 dan 6 juga boleh didapati. (untuk sesiapa yang ter'miss') 10 HADIAH MISTERI untuk 10 PEMBELI PERTAMA. HADIAH EKSKLUSIF untuk pembeli yang membeli 1 set (PART 1 hingga 7). Harga komik RM4 (setiap satu) Datang tau! kitorang tungguuu.. :) Any enquiries/sebarang pertanyaan sila hubungi Cik Zara di talian tak bebas tol:017-2329460 terimas!

__________________

i think this will be enuff to show all of what / who exactly i am. enuff sez. and seriously, im not afraid. not anymore.

looking foward for that day to come, cos i never help hubby to do all these before. so, its kinda cool and i just want to put all of my support, tears, blood and sweat for him there. so frens, just come and gather around.... we will be waiting at Steven's on 25th Feb. this activity is for PLU only. No guys are allowed (so sorry folks!)

ray just call me asking for help. im feeling a bit pity for him to work like dat, and have to face all that. luckily im here and able to give a hand. im at one of MMORPG cc in KL actually. and later, i want to go home and redo my resume... plus, i want to continue my sweet no-so-article but a short story for my hubby's Life Is Like Diz part 7. im not running out of idea.. really. just need to find more materials...

im gonna play gunbound after diz.. not so material looking... need to ease my mind for a while... afterall i've forget about this game for too long. and im gonna polish my boomer backshot and hi-angle.. cos im pretty good with it.. haha.. :) bOo yah!~

: New Year :

2006-01-11T22:39:00.000+08:00

happy new year to all.. and hopefully anyone who watch Channel [V] can vote for ALIVE... haha.. Daniel Wu is the man!!! im going to vote too.. http://www.channelv.com/cma

and also going to vote for Zhou Jie Lun / Jay Chou.. :)

happy belated birthday to me.. was 22 years old last 24th Dec, but now im 23.. haha... time flies so fast i cant even remember anything at all... all the birthday bash, and the genting trip on new year's eve.. im happy.. ureshiikatta desu!!!

to all my friends, im now living a happy life with my new couple.. (ewah cam poloyopos je kan) and im staying in kl... so, pls contact me klao nak jumpe.. tak kose nak online dah skrg neh, bz je memanjang...hahahahhahahha...

lastly, have a nice new year everyone!!

: Today?? :

2005-11-30T00:46:00.000+08:00

not so happy today.. coz my sayang were not happy.. sumthing happen while waiting for me to finish my J class..

sayang.. sorry.... ;(

: Justalilbit :

2005-11-30T00:34:00.000+08:00

things are mostly in my way rite now. im living the life i wanted, with the person i wanted, with the stuff and the place that i want to be. so, im not living in hell anymore. im doing the things that i truly love to do, and im so glad that i finally had that chance... that God's finally listening to me as i pray... that i finally had this chance to experience.. before i runnin out of tyme..

i sent my sayang to work today, it's been a week, and i feel glad that he didnt get scolded with pari-pari sheal thu.. last nite, i played pool again. i think my posture has improved, well maybe afterdiz im gonna get even better. thanks to my sayang for introducing this game to me, and also lotsa otha stuff. im happy when im with him. so, he must be somekind of saviour or what...

i've enrolled myself for J and K classes in PJ. going to learn language properly diz tyme... maybe later can fynd a better job with it.

anyway.. happy 7th month anniversary.... sayang

:: Slmt Hari Raya ::

2005-11-05T19:17:00.000+08:00

slmt hari raye utk semua... aih.. pnat je td type tp hilang plak dah.. next time la okeh..

Oh My Goth

2005-09-30T17:47:00.000+08:00

Oh My Goth!!!

its hard to write it all in one go right?
precisely! so, here goes.. one by one.. all the updates..!

well, its alrdy been a month im werking in kl. feels good to see that im in a good progress. i've met OB while doing some groceries at bangsar shopping centre. pendi kept on msging but usually i have forgotten to reply, cos my hp is running out of memory for sms, when i del his msg i forgot to reply.. so, sorry la pendi.... huhu.. jgn mara..

i've learned pool.. seems good at it too.. well, looks who's teaching.. the hustler.. the pro.. my hubby mishka.. hehehe.. at least now i have sumthing to do with him.. cos he dont bowl, he dont do ddr or para².. and he dont play guitar so much... not so korean or japanese movies fan.. i dont know, nuthing in common i guess.. but we click quite good...? dont we sayang?
went to pool at S15 with a bunch of frens.. noreen & mamat, dick & nadia, syad & his gf + fren.. me & my dardar.. kewl.. huh? before that, at hartamas with foodfight! haha. i like that one only a few second when i put a slight creme on shai's cheek.. then afterthat, everything went crazy, noreen seems unable to ctrl herself, and the foodfight begins..
people say me & shai's are romantic and cute.. hehe.. whatevurrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...!

went to OU a few times.. eat takoyaki there, yummy.. midvalley a few times... pyramid a few times... lotsa mamakstall to visit... saw lotsa videogames but no ddr demn it... watched movies.. go & gincu? wow, cute ladies.. esp melissa... :) a few times to steven's.. with various kind of people.. kinda hook up with sotong goreng!!! demn i luv to eat.. im not controlling my appetite rite now.. geez...

sumhow now, exactly at this time, im at cybercafe, exactly next to esfan midvalley, cuz the rain was so heavy, i dont have the guts to ride back home.. cos its nearly 3 days.. 3 straight days i've been cursing and was in pain when the raindrop hit my face.. goth, 3 damn straight days i had to ride back home in heavy rain, dont want to get caught with fever or flu... ewwww! no way.. no no no no, dont phunk with me..

afterthis i might be going for dinner, im hungry.. so hungry.. i'll buy sumthing for tommorow's breakfast, since nohie is coming to my place.. hafta pick her up at pudu around 9pm tonight.. i miss shai a hell lotss... when can i see him again...? sayang?

: sigh :

2005-09-11T18:17:00.000+08:00

not much for today cos its sunday.. woke up at 2pm, hahaha..
im at starbucks again, doing my own thing in my 3rd house in Malaysia.. :) im using izamal's laptop, so thx alot mals!! watched a little anime and listen to few music here too.. nice to have these kind of accompany when ur all bored and do nothing in the middle of a cafe..

i've moved to kuchai.. no longer in subang.. have my own room. its all lime green and cherry red, kinda kewl combination.. i waz trying to get it done in retro but end up more to fusion style..
but its okay! we love it dat way, dont we.. mr mishka?

i havent mirc for sucha long time.. i did asked ashraf to activ8 my nicknames, but i wonder what happen to mrs mishka's nick? he cant activ8 it.. demn.. i shud've done it myself, mcm takleh diharap je mamat ni.. hehehe..

been here for 3 weeks.. all i can say is, i can do this! i can live on my own (well, not-so lar) its fun and adventurous... i've been here and there all these 3 weeks.. shopping for clothes and stuff for the room... dine and wine.. got my scoot back, here in kl.. been traveling with it since yesterday.. but havent visit any dancefloor yet, maybe later.. after i settled everything down for convocation this coming tuesday.. hey, im a mahasiswi.. hehehe.. im so proud of me.. im so proud to experience all this... alhamdulillah.. its all worth it

: starbucks :

2005-09-01T19:17:00.000+08:00

last few days i saw shai running away from a beetle... hehe its sooo cute i cantstop smiling in my office evrytime i think of it..

i hardly blog nowadays cuz i've been busy, and there's no internet connection around me.. and now im blogging at starbucks, doing this wireless thingy..

i've found myself a place.. a sanctuary.. where its all mine and i can have it the way i wanted. it cost me about 250 per month, but its alryte as long as i like it. sumore theres a snowtiger neko running around the house named Boo-Boo.. annoying sumtimes, cos it bytes hard!

after this there'll be more adventure, so i need to hang on and stay focus to my vision. for the time being im happy with my lyfe.. seriously its not sucks anymore.. thanks to you my rainbow.. the ray of my life..
the only one and only. ray.

: hehe :

2005-08-23T22:18:00.000+08:00

rite now im blogging in shai's house.. at his living room.. i cant believe it that im here.. meeting the parents and the sistaz.. this feels so good..

im living a life on my own..
seriously, i like it.. hope to find my own place soon.. gonna bring my baby skut here..
my parents told me that they alrdy miss me. yeah. whatever.

wishing all my friends a happy life.
have a dream, and go for it :) it'll become true, yknow?

: im moving on :

2005-08-19T22:37:00.000+08:00

its alrdy up to 90% of packing.. most of it was my clothes+shoes.. and clothes+shoes again.. aih tatau la nak bawak pe.. but its kinda lots of stuff to me... hmm.. im not so sure. huhu. i'll bring Full House boxset with me, having finish watching yet.. and also my a few of my all time fave CD collections.. and my tarots along.. hmm..

still blur.. last two days i shopped like crazy.. but still, i dunno what hell did i bought.. why.. and when.. i only realized i bought Full House and a few Korean CD.. others than dat is still a mystery..
for time being, i jez wanna dance to Rain's songs.. and also Namie Amuro's... demn it, im so blur and so confuse..!! there's a chaos deep insyde me..!! i cant even differentiate which is left and which is right anymore..!

demn, this crap is getting crappy..
diz is insane!

p/s: Rain is so hotzzzzZZZZzzz!!! aRRrrggHHHhh!!

: Leaving On A Bus :

2005-08-19T14:26:00.000+08:00

im going tomorrow.. im leaving.. for good..
my heart sank so deep, i dont know why.. i need shai today.. i need him so so much.. i've called but no one answered..

early morning i got chestpain. havent got it for sucha long time. must due to pressure im having rite now. im having a lilbit uncertainty.. and no one is consoling me.. and im so tired to handle diz feeling all by myself..
hopefully the big city will welcome me with lotsa fun and happiness; and not trouble..

: sayonara :

2005-08-15T11:28:00.000+08:00

I’ve been working in isshin for about a week.. I kinda like the environment too.. but maybe I gotta move again.. to KL for good diz time.. to be together with the only ultimate reason why I apply the job at the 1st place..

So its kinda safe for me to say that Im gonna missed the kitchen crews.. the boy with handsome heart, Frenz.. ya ya the cute-cute with blushy cheeks.. then, the nihongo sensei Ah Ho, otsukaresama deshita!.. the macho guy Ah Boon.. Ah San the ha-ha-ha maniac.. JC the shweetheart.. Ah Ming, the snobbish lengchai.. kehkehkeh.. he neva spoke to me at all.. demn yu! Razak, Abg Man, Kak Siti.. and also the 3 ku ma (auntie).. special thanks to Ah Tee for teaching me lotsa stuff.. o yea Frenz, Ah San and also JC.. gonna miss my fun tymes with them.. :)

I lose some, and later gain some.
Hope to gain sumthing gud in KL. No more crazy arguments I hope… no more doubts.. no more crying.. no more sadness.. only happiness….!

HSBC? Fuhgetaboutit.. they dowan me liao.. but its ok, not having guts to live in Cy-J anyway.. sorry Ai! sorry Tam! hehe..
Rite now.. another story.. hope to be true.. sayang.. i luv you!! im so happy liao... hahaha.. laughing all the wayy...~

: Love Ya Dear :

2005-08-08T02:16:00.000+08:00

jez a piece of info of Bi a.k.a Rain, the latest heart throb.. becos it was sooo damn hard to get his info in english.. all website in korean.. c'mon, he's a bi-language person.. so he surely have a bi-language fans.. or even tri-language.. hope if any korean who can read diz, pls go and tell JYPe to do a bi-language website !!

well, he starred in Full House, on 8TV every Monday to Friday 8:30pm.. make sure to catch it, cos i cant.. huhu.. going to start my work tomorrow.. ashita! shigoto! argh! headache!
hm.. im thinking of my dear.. im listening to lotsa Bi's songs. making me thinking of him lots.. but i think im gonna stop thinking and start dreaming.. going to bed soon, gonna bring him with me.. naah, not bringing next to me, ofkosh u idiot..! jez a piece of him inside me. okay not dat inside too, u moron! im jez gonna take him with me in my dreamland... thats what i mean ok? hahaha.. jez sum kinky jokes for today.. mind me pls, my head now are fills with lotsa nonstop thoughts.. of luv... with those deep sexy voices of Bi a.k.a Rain.. and all those lengchai VCD/CD collections.. argh.. im going nuts..!!

tall. sexy. sexy voice. nice to hugs. nice smyles. nice lipz. *rain?*
o yea.

but rite now im thinking of ray. again. not rain. it's ray.
not so tall. not so sexy. not so nice voice.
but all mine.
yeah.
mine. so i love dat.
love dat. and dat stud too. everything.
if only we're an inch closer. things wud be better,wudnt it?
so i'll love u better. treat u nicer.
say all the gud things u need to hear.
i love u dear. so much to bear.

: T o Y o u :

2005-08-08T00:52:00.000+08:00

Singer Rain Achieves MTV Asia Grand Slam (2005/07/25)

Korean pop sensation Rain has won yet another MTV Asia award this time in Beijing. On Sunday, Rain received the prize for the "Best Korean Singer" in this year's "CCTV-MTV Mandarin Music Honors".The latest award gives Rain an MTV Asia Grand Slam, meaning he's won a series of awards in the Asian countries that broadcast MTV Asia.In May, Rain, known as "Bi" in Korea, was a recipient of the "Video Music Awards Japan", after winning the "Favorite Artist of Korea" in Thailand in February.Since his debut in 2002, Rain has been one of the most popular Korean artistes in Asia.

Male - 1982/06/25
Actor Singer
Profile
- Height 6' (184cm) / Weight 163lbs (74kg)
- School: Kyung Hee Univ.
- Bloodtype: O
- Hobbies: movies and music, collecting shoes and clothing, basketball and snowboarding
- Nickname: Puppy
- Marriage: Single

Song: To You
By: Bi (Rain)

Eonjebuteo naega byeonhangeonji
Neomu bappeun saenghwal soke jichyeo isseossnabwa
Eonjena naman saeng-gakhago
Haeyahal il saeng-gakeuro gadeuk cha isseossnabwa

But step by step i’ve realized
Nae gyeoten nal wonhago eungwonhaneun niga hangsang issdan geol

I i wanna say these words to you
I i i love you
I i wanna say these words to you
I i
I i wanna say these words to you

Geurae ijen nege dolryeo julgeoya
Batgiman haessdeon geu sarang neomu keun geu sarang
Neol wihae bureuneun norae neomaneul wihan mudaero
Sesangeul modu gadeuk chaeulgeoya

So step by step i’ll come to you
Gidaryeo ijeseoya haneungeoya nae mam soke issdeon mal

I i wanna say these words to you
I i i love you
I i wanna say these words to you
I i
I i wanna say these words to you

Gapjakseure haneun naui (ee mal-e)
Gidaejocha haji moshan (ee mal-e)
Neomu nolrajin mal geureojima ige nae maeumiya
Wae jakkuman uneun geoya (uljima)
Niga ulmyeon naega neomu mianhajanha
Oneul i ttaekkaji geu swiun hanmadi moshan nayeosseossjiman

I i wanna say these words to you
I i i love you
I i wanna say these words to you
I i
I i wanna say these words to you

I i wanna say these words to you
I i i love you
I i wanna say these words to you
I i
I i wanna say these words to you
Love you love you...

I i wanna say these words to you
I i i love you
I i wanna say these words to you
I i
I i wanna say these words to you..
I wanna say these words to you...

: R a i n :

2005-08-05T03:05:00.000+08:00

song : Hu-Hu-Hu-Hu im crying for you.. (Rain)
mood : emotional..

Regal tycoon? Bye-bye..
Isshin hye hye~
That’s for today.. gonna grab a job first.. I’ll be at Isshin 2pm this Friday.. is it today? Huhu.. yea.. well.. I really mish my regals friends.. aww.. I hope they know…
helmi, rainny, abg jus, abg azizan, reef, shi ping, diyana, brian, mr.lennie the shweetheart, suntha, chloe, liza, voon, JL, anthony, azman, jon, zaidi, renu, ivy.. u guys always on my mind! Juice~ regal!

I bought RAIN cd today.. he was famous to me, but hardly to get the CD.. after the k-drama “Full House” enters 8TV, as he become the hero of the story, play a role of a naughty but hotty hubby.. only then, boomm! I don’t really know what happen to our scene… theres loads and loads of rain CD and VCD in the town! So I bought diz one cd.. title “It’s Raining..” listen to it non-stop.. cos I really like his deep, husky tone.. very manly.. he had quite high pitch, but with not-so-gay voice.. haha.. I luv Rain! Sooooo sexxxy!! sa rang hei, Rain!~

while i was in the cd/vcd store, i saw lotsa drama boxset that i'd like to have.. but each of it cost me about RM120.. its kinda crazy, cos ppl dload it for free thru the internet.. but dunno why, its so costly when they're pack in nice box with perfect subtitles.. i'd like to have all Zai Zai's, 5566's, Won Bin's and Song Hye Kyun's (did i spell the name correctly?) the hero of Autumn In My Heart.. whatever his name was.. this make me go crazy.. feel like working and working and try to earn lotsa money... :) *evilgrin*

lately i feel a little bit down. shai kinda sense it. im sorry, it wasnt my intention. i guess my feeling become unstable for a moment. its about the happy feeling, havent feel it for a long time.. that genuinely happy.. where is it anyway.. am i with the right person, or am i not? if i am, why am i still not happy and grieving? what is it that im looking for..? why do my heart sank everytime i think of it? omg what is happening to me anyway???? arghhh..

: bon odori :

2005-07-19T01:53:00.000+08:00

aiyoh.. i jez got back frm work a few hours ago.. but im stil super exhausted.. hehe.. i havent sell anything, but i went about 60 houses to educate them about streamyx plus filling the survey answers on the sheet given.. well, i think im going to love this job.. plus im hoping to lose a few pounds while doing it.. i met desmond (sumone on my friendster 2nd acc list) at the workplace. he was evaluated today, if he made it thru.. then he'll proceed to 3rd interview befor heading to training jez like me.. hmm.. coincidence?

the bon odori festival was superb!! i love it, especially the *hanabi! i think it was hell better than merdeka or new year's nite hanabi.. bon odori is one of japanese biggest festival, held annually.. i think bon odori is a festival of japanese dances and festival of lanterns... also can be said as a festival to welcome the summer season.. it always falls on 15th July in lunar calendar..
hmm.. i ate lotsa takoyaki dat day.. dunno why.. and also yakisoba with icy cool ocha.. yummy!

here i enclosed some of the picha on dat day... :)

its me and the hottest *obaba / obasan around.. zettai kirei.. (lovely auntie.. hehe)

the biggest n *kawaii-est anime mascot around... (cutest)

kawaii *musume... (cute young girls..)

one of J-traditional game.. try to catch a goldfish, but not with net.. but with somesort of net that is made by paper.. if u play for too long, the paper will slowly torn.. wuu.. *kono aitsu, ano aoi no T-shirtsu wa.. hontou kakkoii yo.. rase cam pegi mintak otograp!
(yg pakai baju biru tua tu.. hensem!)

the bon odori dance.. performed by dancers from Tokyo, Japan.. mostly are obaba.. haha

just check out my blouse..!

its usagi again.. hehehe..

usagi at night... unluckily, the camera was out of battery.. we cant catch any night picha and also, the lovely sugoi kirei omoshiroi fireworks...

: rindu :

2005-07-13T17:53:00.000+08:00

pnye la susahnye nak dpt saez yg betol utk gambo pat keping kat bawah tu... i nearly giving up cos brape kali pekecik pun, the size is still plus minus the same.. but in the end, i got the perfect size, so i dont have to worry about my jumbled templates anymore...

im listening to EXILE, the song title is 'Stay'.. diz is a very romantic R&B J-song... everytime it keeps me going on, thinking about my love one who is 440km far across the country.. c'mon baby konya wa owaranai.. baby come.. uh baby wont u dont dance with me.. ahaks.. i love you, mamoru baby.. wherever u are.. no matter where.. no matter what.. its not easy to feel this way about love after i've been hurt so demn bad before.. but eversince i knew u, everything is not the same anymore..

i may a lilbit cold, a lilbit harsh, a lilbit with anger.. im sorry.. im no saint, no angel my luv.. but u still dare to love me, huh? u still dare to take me on.. rise up high and fall down together.. im impress with ur ability, dear.. im so in luv with u rite now.. what a special thing u are, what a miracle god gave to me. next to perfect. so again, thank you.. for being here with me. i never had a real chance to say everything to you. i never could speak up cos im still caught up inside. so if ur reading this honey.. just know that three sacret words of mine will always be yours...

and the angel cries when u leave dat day. it was raining cats and dogs til nightfall. even u urself told me it was raining when u arrived at pudu.. thats the prove my dear.. im right about u, so right.. im grateful...
so... where will we be next time? penang? kl? haha.. i've been to kl lotsa time this year; for the interview, for my dad's task.. etc.. haha.. just pray again, lets pray.. cross ur fingers, and i'll be there in no time... :) aishiteruyo...
uh, im still broke.. i want to go to bon odori fest.. demn! and tomorrow is the final interview for Regal's... im not sure whether if i want to accept that entrepreneur thangz.. it seems tough to me, sumore penang-based.. apew neh.. i want to be in subang jaya! subang! subang! tamaw pineng dahhhh... tolongg...

: T a n a b a t a :

2005-07-11T18:19:00.000+08:00

I went to the toy museum last thursday.. the museum was located in tg bungah. The ticket worth RM10, but its totally worth it for action figures and toy fans… it was a blast!! (mestilah worth it, ade org tlg byrkan.. hehe..) but really.. its worth it. There’s loads of barbie’s limited edition, lord of the rings’, hell of star wars toys.. all the disney’s characters.. eg: alladin’s, snow white’s.. etc.. and there’s also 1:1 scale action figures of R2-D2, Darth Maul and even hanging spidey! Gotta see it on yer own.. here I attached a few pics that I’ve took..

I did celebrate the tanabata festival on a day before. Baked a chocolate cake. I hanged lotsa wishes on bamboo sticks. The tradition was like diz; u chopped down some bamboo sticks with its leaves.. make sure itsa long bamboo sticks.. put them in one place (stick in onto the ground I supposed) and hanged ur wishes there.. But if u have the small, japanese bamboo tree dat u can plant inside a pot, u may hang it there too.. all ur wishes, especially about love, and it may come true.. everything was about hang ur wish on a bamboo tree.

I did mine. And shai was here on 8th, exactly a day after tanabata festival, 7th July.. huhuh.. its seems uncanny, weird a little bit.. the effect are very quick too. It was one of my many-many wishes.
I want to be happy, living together with you-know-who.
But I didn’t mention ‘with lotsa money’ or ‘spend the whole life together forever and ever and ever’.. it wasn’t a specific wish.. was just a simple wish of mine. ‘be happy with him’..

So the situation was demn simple too.. lol.. Me and shai did live together, but just for a day and nite.. we did have fun+happy time and didn’t use lotsa money.. I was broke, he was too.. hoho.. but everything that we had was, a miracle.. we felt so happy with everything that both of us had dat 24 hours… not to mention, it was one of the most romantic day dat I’ve had with sumbody.. such as, watch the sunset by a beautiful seaside.. feel the fresh breeze on the ferry (yeah it wasn’t a titanic but it sumwhat like that)..

Im so thankful. Im so grateful. Only god knows.Im going for bon odori festival diz Saturday at esplanade.. ^_^ its going to be fun, I think? Lotsa japanese drums, traditional dances and lotsa nihon-jin and nihon food! Yummy!! Im going to wear my kimono-like blouse… hehe.. wish I had a real kimono or yukata. Dats what we supposed to wear on bon odori.. haha!

sailormoon's action figures, henshin (transformation) sticks, gashapon, moon prism.. etc

1:1 scale of Darth Maul.. he's so cool..

one spawn action figures out of 200 i think..?

Ah! Megamisama @ Ah! My Goddess - Belldandy @ Velthanthi.. one of Greek myth about an angel name Velthanthi who have power to guard the time? sumthing like dat.. im not so sure, but i like AMG.. heheh..

this is me, with the bamboo sticks full of wishes...

: L u C k y :

2005-07-06T02:23:00.000+08:00

I’ll be going to toy museum with danny tomorrow. Maybe we’ll bake some cakes and hang sum wish on a bamboo tree for tanabata festival tomorrow.. its a fascinating festival.. I wish I can see it for myself in japan.. my wishes? alot.. but each of it is basically about happiness.. of people around me, and for myself too..

And diz Thursday, I’ll be going to MWE Plaza at Farquhar Street for interview… hm.. im just trying my luck.. 1000 of applicants apply that, that’s what I saw in jobstreet.com stats for that position… cos it pay a lot actually, the salary.. as a trainee for Regal Group, one heck of advertising and marketing consultant firm.. hope i'll get this one too...

I did go to HSBC Group interview last Monday. the tests were so damn hard!!! But it went great. I passed and I’ll be going to the final interview soon. And everyone was there to support me.. nohie, danny, shai... *smile*
And im so thankful for having my dearest with me from morning until I finished.
Gawd.. everytime I look at dat emerald eyes, I just get so weak.. his sincerity sumtimes kills me, and sumtimes I just think, maybe I deserved to get all these priviledges bcos im sincere too.. i love him with all my heart.. and I did all diz just to be close to him.. just this one reason..
oh gawd, I want to move to kl now! now! now! I really hate to feel far apart and helpless like diz.. eventhou before this we had a bad argument, but still.. i manage to think about our happy and mushy moments together..

its not easy for him too. i know. i want sumone who understand me whole.. just like what danny did.. but danny's gone. all of that understanding thing are gone now. and shai cant replace him instantly. we're just started. ofkosh i knew that! ofkosh i knew he cant understand me yet. but sumtimes, when things get rough, when the day become cold, and the night become sleepless.. we just need that someone to be there. and im sorry for being such a moron. i hope it wont occur again in future. i hope we can build a huge understandings between us, so we wont have need to argue or fight anymore.. hope u'll be here when ur needed.. hope i'll get the attention and love i wanted when i need it.. hope there'll be no more hassle.. no more excuses.. hope we'll stay together forever.. build a life that we always dream of.. have each other's shoulder to cry on.. hope time will heal everthing.. hope everything will be just fine..

i love you.. thats all i can say...

and to my now-u-are-just-friend friend danny.. who's a lil bit down yesterday.. i wish him happiness and good day all year... lets celebr8 tanabata tomorrow.. i wonder how are we going to chop down a bamboo stick/tree... hehehe..

: otanjoubi o omedetou :

2005-07-02T03:04:00.000+08:00

i went out last thursday.. it was usagi no otanjoubi ! usagi's birthday.. so i went out, to cheer up my feelings.. ray did apologize.. but it still bleeding inside.. yeah, just like zid said.. " capricorn bleeds more.." its hard to fake a smyles dat whole day...... but danny seems to cheer me a little.. we went out, eat good food.. watch movies, initial d i think..? get a little present.. gave him a little present.. i bought him a piece of blueberry heaven at la manila's on the next day, cos 1st july was his birthday.. next to usagi..

and thats all..

my head was sumwhere else. my real smile burried sumwhere underneath the surface..
im thinking about my dearest. but im not sure if he ever think of me.
hope he didnt get hurt for thinking of me too much. or thinking about my harsh words.
gomen ne, mamoru-kun.. mo aishiteru da yo.. zutto.. zutto ni, aishiteru..

: tOo baD :

2005-06-28T22:59:00.000+08:00

today supposed to be 100 days of me and ray stays as pairs.. but we had a little fight last two days.. i havent call. i just msg him about this day.. im not sure if he know/count the days just like i did? and im a little bit down.. im sad with everything that happen.. it hurts.. so bad..
im not sure where did i do wrong.. but if he said i did, then its totally my fault.. aite? i know im wrong.. but where? am i wrong for being straight fwd and honest? i dont know what am i supposed to do anymore.. so i prefer to shut up for a while.. im hurt.. so hurt..

and now i became clueless.. i dont have the mood to talk anymore. im afraid, that my words will hurt him much deeper.. he seems down too, not just with me but with lotsa things..
i really want to run my fingers thru that short hair again.. but i cant.. im alrdy too far

: Motha of All Parties :

2005-06-19T18:16:00.000+08:00

yesterday and today, im a little blur. danny was crying on the phone and while he met me a day before. saying all those stuff that u dont expect to hear at all..

i finally make up my mind.. went to Chillout Bar last nite, hanging around at bar for my very first time.. i went there for DiGi MTV Motha of All Party.. we enjoyed ourself thou, me and nohie.. nohie just kept his eye to one of this sexy hotty dancer.. hehe.. i just cant forget that moment anyway.. nohie was so infatuated... he nearly lose his mind at the moment.. there were this band from Malaysia, but so famous back in Taiwan.. i dunno the chinese name for it but the english name was 'Island'. they sang pretty good.. im so lucky to have the very front stage and get all the attention that i wanted from them.. ehe.. quite handsome lar.. but not as hansome and Jason Hsu of 5566.. ehe.. or Zai Zai F4.. i gave them 5 out of 10 stars la. 50-50 only, ala.. cine malaysia mane ade yg hensem² sgt...?

i met iwan there, danny's bro.. he ask me sumthing dat i knew.. but i refuse to tell.. so i shrug my shoulder and smyles.. and then i escape.. ehehe.. im good with escaping..
i went home around ten becos sumbody was watching us.. wazi's friends i guess? and absolutely, it got nuthing to do with me.. its nohie all the way! and i think nohie was in trouble so nohie asked me to grab my things and leave.. so much for a party.. lol..

: f l y a w a y :

2005-06-07T02:33:00.000+08:00

shai was here again.. last wednesday and thursday..
so he saw my room.. saw my house.. :) i cant believe it, but it was true.. we watch anime, play psone.. chat and laughed.. i feel like dreaming.. geez..
later i followed him back to kl.. i quit my job and went straight ahead dat evening..
i applied for starbucks before i go, hope i'll get the job.. cos it seems fun! i kinda like the interviewer too, eventhough she seems rough and kerek at first place..

that night, i was in sentral.. met daing and emmy there.. while wandering around before i could find starbucks.. im amazed of myself. still cant believe i did dat. i just fly. with not much RM in my pocket. but i did went there. for 2 days! did u see that honey? did u see my sincerity? did u see my sacrifice? rase mcm nak jerit camtu dpn sme org.. but ofkosh la i didnt.. like crazy only lah..

i met a few of shai's frens.. afik, the starbucks staffs.. haha! and aza.. (is the spelling correct?)
darling, im so happy. so so happy. if this is happiness that ur giving, then shai i wont look further.. i've told u, in fact i've told a lot of people.. that i'll the the slave to the person who can bring me happiness.. i'll give my all to them who appreciate me..
so darling, i thank you. for giving me this experience. its priceless. im so in love with you. arigatou for all these... arigatou..

: koibitou :

2005-05-27T00:52:00.000+08:00

shai was here last 24th and 25th.. i was so embarressed for forgetting my scooter keys.. luckily the chinese men who took care of the parking lot save the day.. my heart was thumping seriously becos i love my baby so much!! i dont want to lose it! no! no, no, no, no, dont funk with my heart...~ lol..

shai gave me some outfit as present. i love it so much. punkgirl style, which, i didnt expect to received. and im so thankful to Allah, cos he's always here eversince we got tied. i never feel like diz before. i didnt know he want me so much he seriously did everything he said he will do for me. crazy in love, we are.. *mcm yoda plak* haha..
i hope everyone is praying for our happiness..

i think, im soooo in love.

: O k a n e :

2005-05-19T01:14:00.000+08:00

what did i do yesterday?
oh, i was daydreaming most of the day..

i ate mcflurry since im afraid of getting too thin and scare mr.shairay away.. i act like usual, i took care of the shop.. and Liza said hi while walking quickly in front of the shop before i could say anything.. and later met zulaiti & syafiq.. and also bukhari.. i met khairil the postboy, he still cant walk properly due to an accident. his scooter is fyne thou. i wonder how did the car hit him from behind?

i did hug a huge cat, think its only 6 mths old.. all i can remember is; the fur was fluffy and the cat is sooo kawaii.. when i hug her, it purr on my arms.. amoy, miss newspaper and a little girl was playing with it before me.. we were wondering whose cat is it, cos its quite heavy and clean (just like she was owned by somebody) i hug her and ask everyone who's cat is it, but no one know. aci newspaper was afraid of it, so later i decided to put her outside and not letting her wandering around the shop area. kids might pull her tail or kick her, i dont want that to happen..
she was so cheeky and playful, later jumped out from my arms to the parking area of Carrefour just before i could put her down on the ground..

it was the nicest feeling. i hug her tightly. and manage to kiss her goodbye. i miss dat cat alrdy. huwa! i want koceng!!!

________________

and today? i went shopping. i bought all in my shopping list except for my solution and a bolero that i really like! why? the solution was out of stock, while the bolero? i aint have enuff money dat time. cos i was saving some money for emergency anyway..

after doing some post-mortem on the budget, RM200 was spent but there aint much stuff i bought? my wardrobe is still the same.. i bought a shortpant, replacing the old one, it ripped while i was moving some full-load boxes in the shop! and unfortunately, it was my favourite. i tried to get the same pants at the same shop, but the shop wasnt like last week? maybe they renovate it. but it still at the same lot with the same shop name thou..
shai.. u know the dark green, checkered, ska-like, 3/4 pants dat i wore while u&me + am&el + emmy&jay eating out at hameediyah? yah.. dat one.. it was my faveeeeeee!! and that pants was no longer available?
and i bought a blouse. a bottle of perfume. a bottle of shower creme. prepaid. keychains. hairbands. earrings. and thats all my RM200. money nowadays are sucks, dont they?

here we go again. blabbering about RM.

: L a z y :

2005-05-11T12:46:00.000+08:00

uhuh... im home alone.. i wish my prince is still around so we can ride to all places all day and night... um, x lengoh bontot ke awak kat blkg tu? i still wonder..

im looking fwd for pichas at the gath tp mcm takde sape pon yg upload.. cam bangang jek.. baru nak cuci ke? takkan tade sape bawak digicam? anyway, i'll be checking and looking around from time to time.. and i'll be checking my prince too.. he took so much of my pics.. ces..
actually there's another 6 zodiac sign dat i didnt post in. im kinda in lazy mood and still tired.. so afta diz okeh? wait n see...

i havent take my shower, i havent eat.. i havent clean up the hamstery.. im soooooo lazy to do it all... okeyla afta diz.. heheh.. im reading sumthing from c99/(secret).. hehe.. alrite, im wishing u all the readers and PLU peepz to have good health and happiness with ur love ones no matter where u all are..

: The Gath :

2005-05-09T11:09:00.000+08:00

still cant believe its all over. mcm takde pape yg berlaku melaenkan aku melepak 2 hari 2 mlm same shai, mimi, jay, adek, armz dgn el. but i like those peeps. there's kinda warm feeling while being with them.. cos we're all in the same boat.. we sink or float together..
thanks guys for being here.. thanks for ur effort, which i couldnt possibly imagine how to thank.. cos it just not enough just thankin u peeps by saying a thousand 'thank you'.. phewwwww....

now, im officially a somebody's girl. bertunang daaaaaaaahhhh....... but the situation is very the simple, cos actually i dont care and never look for material in my life. i just love to follow my prince and i love to get engage with him.. picha? we'll see.. cos i dont really wanna show it. its just for me n prince's eyez to see..

dat saturday eve i met them at gurneyplaza and we went to sri sayang by BFT.. hehe.. mase sampai tu mmg terkejot gile sb ramai yak ala. sampai tak brani masok. kengkunonnye segan lahkan. but we got inside after those people gone to the beach. but there was an incident which we dont really think it shud be happening. tp apape pun tu sme kecuaian & kesilapan teknikal, so i dont really blame anyone.. sme pon mcm jd mangse keadaan, organizer pun dah panik²...
el and armz bring adam along. shai seems cant get enough of that boy. me too? yea, i pretty much dont get along well with kids but, he's adorable! byk kali buat org gegelak jek dgn pangai die.. when he's all grown up i bet, he's going to be a handsome one.. adam akashi.. :) such a cutie angel! bertuahnye armz dgn el...
then after the incident, we all went to the beach but due to the technical prob, no activities were made.. we took pichas, get to know peeps (hell i didnt do that.. was busy hanging with my 5 bunch of fwens) but i did stare at their tags. so i know a few. then back to tg bungah and back again at sri sayang for food :) at last i know which one is bob. i met donny too! lame gile tak jumpe awak la donny!!!
for the night, 20 leith street..! damn i didnt know that road name leith.. haha.. a few years ago i went there with danny, but very early in the morning. we walked from jetty to pdg kota for merdeka parade.. then after the parade was over, we walked from lightstreet to leith street.. we had breakfast at penang road's eden bread house... and took mini bus to komtar :) oh it was a looooong time ago..

at leith i met daeng, yus and ilyas (if im not mistaken that was his name).. and also emili! that one was a coincidence. and emili happens to be mimi's coursemate.. o what a small world. i wonder where's emilia anyway? when i saw daeng i just want to chat with him sumore but he's gotta go. thx 4 the compliment, daeng!! hehehehhhh.. they played pool for a few rounds.. and dy was around too. incident happen again, shai was so pissed off.. i was having hard time to cool him down til 4am. its true, shai.. dy was just kidding. and he said he didnt know dat im urs? it happen to be dat im online at mirc now and dy is apologizing like crazy..... tulah dah kate, bgtawu sme org yg kite dah nak kawen...... but sokay, there aint going to be next time. nobody will do dat to me except for my prince n my only one prince..

and around 1am, i went back home.. shai n adek sent me.. awhh.. what an efforrrrttttt... thankss sangaaaaaaaaaaaat!!! i went home with my short skirt on.. omg.. naseb baek pak gad dah tdo, kalaw tak siap kne bambu. aa apasal kne balek aa? im going to missed all of the good moments..

: The Day :

2005-05-07T03:43:00.000+08:00

im not sure my nervous of the day will pay off....
but what ever it is i must wait til morning.. demn i cant sleep! im thinkin about shai too much..

im going to spend my sentimental value with him. its all around penang. i need to kill my bad memories in here by replacing each of them with good one with him. i need to forget all the pain it cause me while walking around my hometown. dat is why, i seldom go out anymore. everything i see reminds me of my ex, and every single time i think about it, it neva fail to tore my heart apart. even in my bedroom i feel the pain. it was 8 years of memory. u guys dont have a clue of my wound...

i need to work harder. i need to do something. i need to replace the memories.. all of it, before i completely lose my sanity. yeah, broke up is hard. its even harder when u're weak.. no joke, frens! so dont play around with love. it kills!!
love is a hell scarier than a sword.

im still imagining the ring. im imagining everything rite now. im in space! floating.. im so happy.. i cant sleep.. shai was my fren at first. we know each other since 99.. it just dat i feel so bad i didnt had the chance to create supergood memories with him earlier.
but its not too late yet. we're creating every possible dreams and memories together. i would love to move out to damansara soon.. i would love to follow my hubby. cos i chose u. i chose to fly and fall with u. there's no turning back. not now. not ever.

if the PLU gath happen this evening, we're both going to join it. cant wait to do full report about it. itupon kalaw jadik la. rase x sdap ati jek. if it was cancelled, ew.. i feel sorry for armz, el and akashi.. and to all of my farthest frens who make the effort to come over to celebr8.. ew.. demn.. i shud have call dy!! demn it actually i was afraid to let my number up on his cellphone.... haha..

: Talisman -part II :

2005-05-01T00:42:00.000+08:00

here's another 3 signs for today..

Aries (21st Mar-20th Apr)
Element : Fire
Quality : Cardinal
Symbol : The Ram
Nature : Masculine
Day : Tuesday
Metal : Iron or steel
Gem : Bloodstone
Color : Red
Occupation : Politics
Governs : The head
Key word : Energy
Positive influences : Courage and action
Negative influences : Greed and destruction
Ruler : Mars, God of War

this is the sign for Mars

Taurus (21st Apr-20th May)
Element : Earth
Quality : Fixed
Symbol : The bull
Nature : Feminine
Day : Friday
Metal : Copper
Gem : Moss agate
Color : Red and orange
Occupation : Economics
Governs : Ear, neck and throat
Key word : Love
Positive influences : Patience, affection and persistence
Negative influence : Stubborness, aggression and jealousy
Ruler : Venus, Goddess of Love

this is the sign for Venus

Gemini (21st May-21st June)
Element : Air
Quality : Mutable
Symbol : The twins
Nature : Masculine
Day : Wednesday
Metal : Quicksilver
Gem : Emerald
Color : Orange
Occupation : Education
Governs: Hands, arms, chest and lungs
Key word : Expression
Positive influences : Affection, intelligence and astuteness
Negative influences : Pretentiousness, shallowness and restlessness
Ruler : Mercury, God of Knowledge

this is the sign for Mercury

today, i spend most of my day at workplace... soothe the kids with toys.. lol.. and make their parents broke.. "mak.. mak.. nak masked rider!!" haha..
people are asking me about the engagement. they didnt believe it, dont they? well.. whatever...

: Talisman :

2005-04-28T12:52:00.000+08:00

as i was flipping to my book of shadows, i found out some interesting stuff.. i will share a little with you all about zodiac sign. here i will enclose 3 types of zodiac for today. it is not a reading, it is a characteristic for them under these signs.. tell me about it if its true.. feel free to drop ur comment to me ^^..

Carpricorn (22nd Dec-19th Jan)
element : earth
quality : cardinal
symbol : the goat
nature : feminine
day : saturday
metal : lead
gem : lapis
color : deep blue
occupation : civil service
governs : the knees
key word : authority
positive influences : independent, refined and disciplined
negative influences : insecure, critical and proud
ruler : Saturn, God of Time

this is the Saturn sign

Aquarius (20th Jan-18thFeb)
element : air
quality : fixed
symbol : the water carrier
nature : masculine
day : wednesday
metal : uranium
gem : sapphire
color : indigo
occupation : parliament
governs : the ankles and calves
key word : confrontation
positive influences : affectionate, modest and intelligent
negative influences : judgemental, critical and extreme
ruler : Uranus, God of the Air
this is the Uranus sign

Pisces (19th Feb-20th Mac)
element : water
quality : mutable
symbol : the fish
nature : feminine
day : friday
metal : platinum
gem : pearl
color : violet
occupation : health care
governs : the feet
key word : inspiration
positive influence : intuitive, sensitive and kind
negative influence : argumentative, excessive and selfish
ruler : Neptune, God of The Sea
this is the Neptune sign

: Forever Love :

2005-04-28T11:51:00.000+08:00

song: Forever Love by Wang Lee Hom .. what a beautiful song about marriage..

im sooo hungry.. but cant eat now.. have to blog 1st.. ^^
and now im imagining that im playing ddr...

i've joined in a scooter team named Diamond Crews (DMC) recently. but i found out that they are big crews, the team reside in 2 different area. one in Kulim, the others in Sbrg Prai. well u see, i told the sbrg prai team that i would love to join in. they said 'ok'. then later at my workplace, i met this hunk working in Pos Msia. he told me to join the team thru him. i didnt know dat he was the kulim team. now im surrounded by the kulim teammates... lol.. they brought me DMC stickers and stuff, pretty kewl but a little bit gatal...thanks to Khairil (the Pos Msia guy), he chased them all away before they cud jual minyak... hehe.. very protective (?) but very much i thank him... i never really wanted to join the team for their guys..
im doing it for the sake of my safety, and for my scoot "baby" if she need help.. cos she's worries me sumtimes... and after this, i had to join them all.. have to bear with some of the guys attitudes.. or even the girls, musti kuwat jeling... um, i know no one in that team actually.. must be arkward to hang with the one who dont really know.... but i'll try.. ima, atashi ga ganbatte masu!

days went by, im getting near to my engagement n wedding day.. well.. this is too fast..? but i've alrdy fasten my seatbelt and rdy for the ride.. eventhough the pace is scary but im happy.. and i will do just about anything to keep myself going.. and be happy always..
i know sumone is smiling while reading this.. cos when im happy, he's happy too..~

tanoshikatta desu!! dakara shimpai shinaide yo.. mo zutto, iko ni issho..

hehe.. another 5566 random pics for today... no intention for making profit out of the pictures. all right reserved to the owner of the picture.

: White Lighter :

2005-04-23T02:48:00.000+08:00

my "white lighter" boo is having fever .. im very worried! but what can i do, i am now at least 430km away from him.. absolutely nothing that i can do except calling n msging him, telling him to take good care... huhuh.. sounds boring? yeah.. me too..

Ray`MisHKa. pls take care.
im really worried about u. heheh. PLU peeps must be wondering, why the heck did i address him as 'him'.. and not saying the name...?

i have reasons. heh. but im declaring soon. i mean, we.

PLU gathering is coming rite up. to tell the truth, im quite nervous. i might be performing, too. and im going to do all sorts of stuff on that day, so.. pretty much nervous.. hell yeah, im getting crazy.. heebies-jeebies.. freaking.. but pretty much, happier than a year ago.. than last month.. Mishka in Arabic, means lamp.. or light.. if im not mistaken.. and "Ray", as u all know.. in Oxford dictionary.. means strays of light, or light itself as well...
by having this person by this nickname that suits him very well, he enlighten everything in me. he shines my day and night.. he's awesome....! well, im not making stuff up about him by yakking and telling all peeps that he's good.. yada yada.. (hey nobody's perfect)

but.. by having somebody around u, there IS a difference.. its merrier.. happier..

darkness fall.
and i won.

: m i n e :

2005-04-18T03:35:00.000+08:00

"Mine" -by Taproot

When I look into your eyes, you help me realign
And show me just how to be myself inside
I’m in control of everything
It’s taking time but that’s ok
I can bring you to my side

[Chorus:]
You're my blessing in disguise
You’re mine (You’re mine)
You’re mine (You’re mine)
You’re my blessing in disguise
You make me realize
Just how and where I want to be
Years from now

When my focal point is set
I’m something I know I'll get
It’s not a question of how but more of when
You're a hot commodity
The choice is mine and mine for keeps
I can bring you to my side

[Chorus]

When I look into your eyes, you help me realign
And show me just where my dedication lies
I’m in control of everything it’s taking toll but that’s ok
I can bring you to my side

[Chorus]

: tenshi :

2005-04-17T23:45:00.000+08:00

i met this flur last fryday, and spent the whole day and night together.. seeing the nightlife dat i never had the chance to see after all these years staying in penang...
oh boy he was so fyne.. so kewl.. looking at the eyes directly wud possibly get urself killed, cos his eyes were damn kirei! It sparks like emerald.. dats why i didnt dare to stare at his eyes.. i just peek when he aint looking... while he's smoking.. while he's looking sumwhere else..
and the white skin, was so smooth and warm… holding me til the rest of the movie ends cos i was shivering like crazy.. lol... and those lips.. ? eventhough aitsu no kisu wa tabakko no FLAVOUR ga shita.. i still think the taste was amai.. and nothing like tabacco.. huhuh...
omg that flur is an angel.. aitsu wa tenshi da.. zettai.. amai no tenshi..

but whats more important is the pure heart. he got it.
and im just following whats my heart says about him.. and im just trusting my instinct and hoping the step i took aint wrong.

All I can say is, im in love..
I dunno if I can say the 'real' name (I wish I cud, I want the whole world to know!)… and im so glad to find someone who will always be there and not kidding me when he said 'i love u'.. mamoru-kun!!!!!!!! aishiteru yo!!!!!!
Well.. if misery loves company, so does victory.. rite? victory is now, mine.. victor F4 je blum lagek...

Well mamoru, im so glad to have u around.. :) *huggy huggy*
mamoru @ junkiemafia... huhuh.. i love u so so much!

: J-hairstyle :

2005-04-15T00:11:00.000+08:00

i didnt think so much last tuesday morning. i woke up, take a shower and just step in to Max Hairstyle and just cut my hair short. but not the boyish-butch style. i did Fuyutsuki Sensei kinda of style, very typical Japanese style... it'll look better if i have some hightlight on my hair. thats what Sky said. but then again, wa bo lui.. hahahahaha... i feel sorry a little. i shudnt cut it short. i just want to do fringe actually...

but what the hell happen? i just dont know what was i thinking!! rase menyesal pun ade gak, tp sikit jek.. i already feel bored with the same old look.. long, normal, black straight hair..... ugh! its already been 3 years, after my ex-hairstylist Andy passed away.. come to think again, maybe this is the sign that i am ready for a restart. need to forget my dark past, and start doing something new. new life, new relationship, meeting new people, doing new activity..

and for these moment, i am happy..

: Shigoto :

2005-04-09T02:00:00.000+08:00

Shigoto ni mo sei ga deru..
Kinyou no gogo..

"I'm working hard, its Friday afternoon.." That is the translation..
at last i've found myself a job. i think its nice, a cutie small toyshop in carrefour.. yosh! gambare masu! iku iku! in my mind now im thinking of making a costume! tp manager melayu seh.. tak brani pulak.. tambahan carrefour byk macik-macik je yg suke dtg shopping... erk.. i dont think making a cosplay outfit would attract more customer, since the obaba and jiji were the most regular shoppers around there.. if its kl, itsa different story.. yappari, dame!! usagi, dame...

im surfing around friendster and jobstreet, just trying to decrease my level of boredom. thanks to this flur (u know who u are), she changed her hp service to digi, which allow me to really had someone to send sms and get the reply. And I can really communicate without worrying, without my mask..
if it wasnt for her, i would have gone insane by now. i was planning on killing sumbody. i was planning on killing myself after im done.
yeah.. i was nearly lost my sanity. nearly. then come my saviour. she didnt know. she tought she was saved by me, but actually.. im the one who saved by her..
or let just say... it was the right timing.. right situation… right chemistry..

But i still having war inside me. it aint over yet. and im aint taking anyone to enter the battlefield with me..
cos this aint the war for u mortal earthlings..
its between the heaven up above and the hell down under. and i have my own angelic force. the devils aint that good either.
i wont lose. even if i did, i'll lose it with pride.
but i wont.
i'll win. i'll be happy. i'll find victory. then cupcake, i'll be with u.. its a promise that i'll never going to break!

5566 random pic for today. And sorry if I’ve hurt anyone in my previous post. Shai, usu, pendi.. it wasn’t meant for u all..

: DDR Freak :

2005-04-04T02:32:00.000+08:00

i received an email from indo frens, Mochachocolatta, kinda visual J-rock band that imitate Judy n Mary but have done it very well... since they emailed the demo and dont have any official website for their band, i think the only way to get their demo and information is thru Friendster. the name is Mochachocolatta. dont forget to visit their page while surfing in Friendster ok! i bet u wont regret it, esp JAM fans....

since i've bought a ps version of ddr 5th mix, now im trying to find how to get out all over the blue list songs from the game... *sigh... im too tired to play all the level by myself... if anyone know the way, pls msg me!! very important.. cos i cant find anything in F.A.Q ... so, tasukete kudasai!! onegai!

hm. i cant keep any connection with anyone today, not danny not shai. usu lagi lah. i was wondering whats wrong with my luck today... i need to talk but there's no one to talk to. tertinggal hp la, nak tido la. yg merajok la. too much excuses everyday. dok jauh ke dok dekat, in the end sama je result die. im still the one who's hurt the most, no matter what i do.. penat gile buat baik dgn semua org, last2 hati sendiri gak yg sakit.. takde sape pulak nak jage hati gwa. knape takde sape nak jage ati gwa plak? apesal lu org mcm lanchaw je prangai?

ish.. knape la aku tak mati je, takyah nak terbwk-bwk.. terpk-pk sampai ke besok pagi... die tu ckp mmg senang la.. tafaya risao kat die. nak bwat hape risao kan die. babik la.. ape igt aku suke ke jadik camnih? ape igt bes sgt ke tersekse hari-hari camni? ape igt aku epy ke hari2 kene merase psaan yg bodo mcm ni? babik, koang taw tak mcm babik dan lanchaw jek rasenye? bodo. sape yg tanye psaan aku lagi mmg bodo....!!!!! dah kaw pwas saketkan ati org lagi nak tanye ok ke tak? bodo bodo bodo bodo bodo.... igtkan otak gelige rupenye cam machipai..

: m a n g a :

2005-03-28T22:24:00.000+08:00

hey already found it!

the title is Doll ..!!! the manga-ka is Mitsukazu Mihara.. Hurrayy!! it seem so kawaii and so much like gothic lolita.. i surely will grab in no matter what!!! and i'll find more gothic / lolita manga... cos one of my dream is to design an outfit based on gothic / dark lolita style and wear it to work.. lol! <3>

and theres so much other titles that gain my interest!! i wish i was rich!!! gyaaaa....!!
They are:
any Erika Sakurazawa's manga
FLCL -Hajime Ueda
Flower Of Deep Sleep / Fukai Nemuri No Hana - Kazumi Yuana
Confidential Confession -Momochi Reiko

: Ichigo ? :

2005-03-28T20:39:00.000+08:00

im browsing the internet again, this time i remembered of a white front, hardcover manga that i saw at kinokuniya last year... i would love to grab it..
and sometimes i secretly wish somebody would bought it as present.. lol.. yah, when u want something so bad..

im not searching tokyopop.com to buy it online, but im searching for its title.. cos i've forgotten.. :p.. i was so frustrated i dont have enough cash (i alrdy grab 2 manga dat day) til i completely forgot about its title..

but if anyone really want to buy me present... and thinking of giving something kewl to me, dont hesitate! just buy me tokyopop Prince Ai manga vol.2... haha.. cos i alrdy have the vol.1 .. or any
"parental advisory"-labeled manga.. hahaha.. i'll definitely kiss the person who gave that manga to me.. its a sure thing! haha.. arigatou!!

: Sugoi Yo! :

2005-03-21T22:17:00.000+08:00

haha.. meeting up a few friends last saturday, shai and her twins+her couple and also... er.. forgot her name!! dang!
dat day, i think i've talked too much.. i dont know why.. im not trying to draw attention or what.. it just like, yeah, is not like everyone can accept you wholely..
and when u found somebody just like you (same species same interest).. well, its really hard to cover up.. its hard not to say something or speak up or mengadulaaaa.. senang citee..

minnasan, gomen nasai.. atashiwa, nani o koto kangaeteta? gomen, atashi no se da..!

: Sunny Day :

2005-03-21T22:08:00.000+08:00

Qing Tian -By Jay Chou / Zhou Jie Lun

gu shi de xiao huang hua
The small yellow flower from the story

cong chu sheng na nian jiu piao zhe
Was wandering since the day she was born

tong nian de dang qiu qian
Swinging on a swing in her childhood

sui ji yi yi zhi huang dao xian zai
Swinging her memories all the way until now

re sou sou xi dou xi

la sou la xi xi xi xi la xi la sou
(*note: there is no translation for these two lines, they're merely a musical scale such as do re mi fa so la...)

chui zhe qian zou wang zhe tian kong
Playing an opening theme, looking into the sky

wo xiang qi hua ban shi zhe diao luo
I think of petals trying to fall

wei ni tiao ke de na yi tian
That day I skipped school for you;

hua luo de na yi tian
That day the flower fell;

jiao shi de na yi jian
The space of the classroom;

wo zen me kan bu jian
Why can’t I see it?

xiao shi de xia yu tian
That rainy day that disappeared ~

wo hao xiang zai lin yi bian
How I want to be rained upon again

mei xiang dao shi qu de yong qi wo hai liu zhe
Never thought that I still kept my lost courage

hao xiang zai wen yi bian
How I want to ask again:

ni hui deng dai hai shi li kai
“Will you wait or will you go away?”

gua feng zhe tian wo shi guo wo zhe ni shou
That day that the wind blew I tried to hold your hand

dan pian pian yu jian jian
But unfortunetly, the rain kept on

da dao wo kan ni bu jian
Falling until I couldn’t see you

hai yao duo jiu wo cai neng zai ni shen bian
How much longer until I can be beside you again?

deng dai fang qing de na tian ye xu wo hui bi jiao hao yi dian
Waiting for the day to turn clear, maybe I’ll be a little better then

cong qian cong qian you ge ren ai ni hen jiu
Long ago, a person loved you for so long

dan pian pian feng jian jian
But unfortunetly, the wind kept on

ba ju li chui de hao yuan
Blowing, widening the gap so much further

hao bu rong yi you neng zai duo ai yi tian
So difficult, (I have) another day to love again

dan gu shi de zui hou ni hao xiang hai de shuo le bai bai
But it seems that, at the end of the story you still said, “Goodbye”

____________

i would like to thank Jay for creating such song, which i would never ever think of making one like this... the lyrics is so right... i just dont know what else to say.. just a piece of it already enough to describe everything that happened..

: Judy & Mary :

2005-03-18T02:57:00.000+08:00

Becos I cant do anything else for today I’ve decided to give ya some info about my fave rock, kinda visual-kei, band from Japan, Judy & Mary. Many of u must have read it from my friendster profile, or if u never heard of them, this is one way for u to know about them more!

I’ve accidently know Judy & Mary (JAM) for singing the opening song for Rurouni Kenshin @ Samurai X anime. The song title Sobakasu (Freckles). Believe me, it’s the craziest but the most remarkable song arrangement I’ve ever heard. Sobakasu was an instant hit and propelled the band into more fame than they could ever imagine. Without sitting on their success, Judy and Mary continued on their winning streak and produced four more albums (excluding live albums and compilations) until the band’s dissolution in 2001 (sob).

The vocal of JAM vox, Yuki was high and eerie a little, but cute and unique. The sound of JAM are crazy, fun, catchy, upbeat and wild, thanks to Takuya, Onda and Kouta as the band members and songwriters. Whats so great about them is, each of their songs have unique solo part of drums, guitar and bass. That means, they never left anyone out and each one of them are special in their own way! Isnt it unique?

They explained "Judy" and "Mary" are the two conflicting personalities embodied in every human being and they got together because they were good friends and loved music. I kinda like their reason for putting up a band. I wish I had a band based on that reason too.. haha.. but my band is more like a meeting session, where we play couples of songs just to release the tense due to our heavy duty life. Hm, I miss my bandmates. I miss jamming with them, but what to do.. im too busy rite now.. sry

So, for u who would like to know more about JAM or d/load their music, pls feel free to visit this site. Its worth it!

http://www.projectj.net/jam.htm Project J
http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Ginza/3851/ Hyper Judy & Mary

: Kekkon Shite! :

2005-03-13T22:47:00.000+08:00

the wedding of Miss Zaiza was soooooo damn grand (er.. bg akula..) everything was nice and green. i was wondering if she had spent more than 10 grand for it.. pandey lawa, kompang hebat, makan sedap, rupe bunge telo utk org biase pun dah special, pelamin chantek.. penganten vogue gilee.. meriah siot....! mmg grand seh..

as usual i didnt bring any camera. liza too. luckily there's a few classmates (the boys) bring some digicam wit them so i had a few snaps. well. actually they kinda forced me and liza to. not forced. em, sort of persuading us wit a few magic words. lol. u want to know what did he say? hahaha... i just want to keep it a secret. naaahhh... maybe they both, atan and nazri just fancy liza (whose wearing pink short kebaya.. she coloured her hair blonde, and looking like a diva). i just wore some old outfit of mine, dark blue long kebaya.. which, not really outstanding or alluring or what. just simple.

but hey.
a guy senior saw me and sent me a sms saying that i look "ayu" just now... or "captivating" in english? lol. or "kirei" in japanese. i just laughed at the idea. maybe he just tryin to be nice. we havent see each other for about a year. maybe more. i just dont know how he had that kind of thoughts. i thought i've gain a few pounds ever since he graduate...

but getting that kind of compliment, it just draw a smile from my lips. it was nice. ah, kimochi.. ne!

p/s: anybody watched Pride (Puraido) on 8TV recently? I just loooooove Halu!!! Satonaka Halu role was played by Kimu Taku. hmm.. he cried, didnt he? aww... he's soo good in acting and sooo good looking, he always made me melt every 6 pm on weekends.

: The Impact :

2005-03-08T21:01:00.000+08:00

my life is just like a drama.

well who cares.

Wo Nan Guo (I'm Sad) -by 5566 (ending theme song for MVP Lover)

Na yi nian mo mo wu yan zhi neng xuan ze li kai
Wu xie de xiao rong yi jing bu zai jing cai
Ni hai pa jie ju suo yi ping ming shang hai
Shuo shi wo dang zhu ni de mei hao wei lai

Ni jian jue bu xi wang wo deng dai
Wo bian mo mo de rang ni zou kai
Ru jin ni shou le shang hui lai
Jiao wo ru he jie shou zhe an pai

chorus:
Wo nan guo de shi fang qi ni fang qi ai
Fang qi de meng bei da sui
Ren zhu bei ai wo yi wei
Shi cheng quan ni que sou ni geng bu yu kuai

Wo nan guo de shi wang le ni wang le ai
Jin chuan li wang ji wo men
Zhen xin xiang ai
Ye wang le
Gao su ni
Shi qu de bu neng chong lai

random pic for today..
all right reserved to the owner of the picture. no intention to harm or making profit out of it. thank you.

: kimochi warui :

2005-03-05T01:27:00.000+08:00

cough cough..
im tired. im hardly breathe.

lately there's been couple of ppl who, i think, never quite sms me. so when i replied, i tend to put in someone else's number... so i really apologize.. lol.. hope it doesnt make anyone of u puzzled to received such a bizzarre smses from me. tee-hee. gomen nasai~

i bought a kawaii stuff at living cabin, it was a magnetic heartshaped with wings. it reminds me mostly of my own love life. a love that flew. em. i shud stop thinking about it and have a life. but havent yet had any kickstart. dunno when will i do. i cant wait for that day to come. i just want to go as far as i can and never come back. have a new life in taipei or busan, maybe harajuku or barcelona. who knows? maybe someday i'll have luck. ah, uso da!

tmnet is so fucking lag nowadays. i have too many problem with them already. it already 12 times today i've been disconnected. they're just fuckin lag. i dont think complaining to them directly will do any good. there were people sending mail to newspapers about this, saying that they're sux and slow. hm. and this company will be my next becoming organization? nande mo shiranai. lol.

david letterman is on the house tonight. im blogging while listening to him. he is such a guy, his jokes always give me a crack. this is one of a way for me to forget sum heartbreaking stuff. since im not be going anyway tomorrow due to my health, maybe i'll just watch the late night. i missed playing gunbound, but im short of money these few months. i guess i shud be looking for part-time job rite now. my expenses are getting bigger each day, i must find a job or else im screwed. couggh!

i like 5566. and im doing this blog just for 5566 but 5566 pics are nowhere to be found. sorry folks, 5566 pics are too many in my pc rite now, but im having a hard time to upload them due to fucking lagness i received for each day. i do apologize once again. erm, im doing this for meng zhe actually, hehe. but i only manage to find about 10 cute pics of him. too little, right? yeah. the press must be jealous or something. maybe i had to work out with s'porean fans and ask them to help me in my findings.

well. take care all and have a nice weekend. its hot like burning oven in Malaysia, hope everyone is taking good care of themselves wherever you folks may be. erm, i need to heal myself too. kimochi warui ... cough.. omg its painful..

What Happen To Us ?

2005-03-03T02:16:00.000+08:00

i thought it was too good to be true
i found somebody who understands me
someone who would help me to get through
and fill the emptiness i had inside me

but you kept inside and i just denied something that we should have both said
i knew it was too good to be true
cause im the only one who understands me ?

what happen to us?
we used to be so perfect, now we're lost and lonely
what happen to us?
and deep inside i wonder, did i lose my only...?

remember, they thought we're too young
to really know what it takes to make it
but we had survived off what we've done
and we could show them all that they're mistaken

but who could have known, the lies that would grow
until we could see right through them
remember, they knew that we're too young
we still dont know what it takes to make it..?

we could have make it work
we could have found a way
we should have done our best
to see another day
but we kept it all inside
until it was too late
and now we're both alone
the consequence we pay
for throwing it all away...
for throwing it all away..

is there any ?

2005-03-03T01:10:00.000+08:00

cough cough..

the season is going crazy, and like usual my body wont stand very much of it and fell sick right away. it was hot in here, but a few days ago it rained. and hot again. and rained again. i lost my angelic voice for 2 days and later suffered of fever and cough. im worst when it come to cough. im getting sleepless night, or i dont know what hell happen that night til the next morning. sort of passed out without noticing.

due to several problem, the common test was postponed to 7th til 10th of March, which, not really a good idea. i want it to be tomorrow!!! huh, exam was never a good idea. but so far everyone seems to enjoying it and happy, not only people in my college but other university as well. they seems to loveeee exam month, love the exam itself and start becoming bookworms all the time.. more productive human are produce, i say..

me? i dont have big dreams. i never think of anything more than being happy with somebody i love. maybe if some ambitious girl who reading this will come up and belittled me with my idea. maybe they'd say 'its rubbish'.. oh well, i've heard it myself a couple of times. it came from my own bestfren mouth! she asked me to be idealistic, to have powerful ambition and create good future.. and later shares it with her, cos she'll create a good future for us to share too.
and later end up as, what..? crap.

as tam said, as time flies good friends become strangers.
i dont want to believe it, but its kinda true. the friends that u always always remember deeply, they'll just forget about u when they're gone to other places and all the sudden u're alone. empty. no more place for u to share things or secrets. no more going around the mall looking at good stuff. no more talking about your least favourite subject or the teachers. no more talking on the phone, mailing or chatting on the net. im sorry but you've been disconnected..

for me, its a great loss. and that person never knew.
i wish i can tell you all. i wish i could. its so painful when its all different. its so painful to adapt once more. its so painful to accept other stranger in our life once again.
but she never know. she'll never know.

people said when u loss some, u gain some. i loss some, but i gain non. thats why i hate myself. i keep on losing and losing til today. i havent found any bestfren yet? i havent make one, havent found the person that we can meet every weekend and go eat mcd or watch movies together.. or study together.. or at least doing something together, if not sharing dreams or problems.. etc. sounds pathetic? yeah. it is. i am pathetic. but this is true! this happen to me, i didnt made it up! it happen by itself! i've tried to stop it but i couldnt! i just cant live my life like i used to anymoree....!!!!

people just dont know how hurt i am right now. im hurt and i cant heal. and im scared of it. im scared that i'll stay down under like this forever.

H i d o i ~

2005-02-25T23:47:00.000+08:00

19th February - my college pre-graduation dinner. it was quite grand, not the place but the people. all dressed up so nicely i felt like i've been left out.
i didnt bring my camera, but i took a few shots from other people cameras.. and now im searching like hell for those people who snap the pichas... lol.. what? i didnt expect the dinner will be like this!?

it was buffet, of course i didnt eat so much.. cos i got a cute honey sitting beside me. it was sis suzana or, suzila.. im not sure whats her name, but the cutie pie is her bf... but naah.. its wasnt really all about him either.

i wasnt happy. so its kinda hard to show happy face to people, or pretend a smile.. etc.. but my juniors really stand outs with the performance (the three lovely guys singing tipah tertipu plus the 'extra moves'...) i didnt expect that too.. that one makes me smile.. and cik zaiza wins an award for the most lovely lecturer, haha.. she is plus-sized, but i like her.. really.. i kinda get the feeling that beauty is very subjective.. (really xara? OMG u've changed! O_o)

and the prince and princess award...? i dislike that the most.. cos the one who wins, they aint from part 6 or 7 (not the seniors -cmon, seniors will be gone next month!)
it should be the seniors!!!! how could they pick people who still have chance to be prince/princess of IYBPP next and next and next next next semester??? that is sooooo RIDICULOUS... tp ni lah melayu, org nak bwat prince & princess award, deoang pun nak bwat gaks tp tak reti apa.. *sigh

yesterday i went out jogging with a fren. well, we're on the same boat... our head will explode if we didnt do something about it.. yeah, me and her was too busy with the tasks.. we kinda exhausted and bored with those crappy presentations and tests stuff, or midterm exam if u wanna call it that way.. whatever it is, it sucked our strength out.. so she took me for a jog, it was booooring.. so i introduce her for DDR instead.. and she loved it! aww.. it went crazy! 2 lovely hot chix on the dancefloor? sure, the crowd went crazy..

i kinda get the point where there's always some people out there like me. i ean, have similar taste like me. i thot im diff, but its not quite. the slight differences between me and my fren is, that she was already engaged.. REALLY engage, got people came to her house with hantaran and all that...
unlike me.. married? it was a fake one. a fake one just to get something from me. married, but theres no black and white. no akad nikah. because its aint real, now theres no court to go. no laws to back me up. somebody want to dump me.. aghhhhhh.. i need to stop thinking bout that too, or my head will reaaally explode this time...

lately i didnt have much chance to blog. as u can see. im busy. we all busy. but im human. they're not. i have feelings. they dont. she dont.

H a n a b i

2005-02-17T10:58:00.000+08:00

the chinese had to pray yesterday, no wonder there were fireworks everywhere...
superb i would say.. they still burning it eventhough it was raining all night... i was thinking, is it the 4th of July or merdeka day? but it was nice, looking up the dark sky with some extra fiery flashes in it..

morning were a little bit dull, the test wasnt the way i expected, i ate nasik lemak after my fren told me i shrink a bit (what?).. i dont know what hell am i doing now.. (wasting time, that is..) yeah, im sleepy.. i woke up so early and end up writing bullshit in my answersheet. *sigh

a pic of Static Seven @ Zul.. a fren of mine.. he looks just like Sasuke, isnt he? can u see the pic? hahah tomoko jgn marahhh...

Ying & Yang

2005-02-15T19:41:00.000+08:00

good thing and bad thing happen at the same time.. odd, but true.
first.. it was the modeling agency. they want me, but they sounds and seems fishy.. no black and white, dont want to use mail, and contract-less (mcm America's Next Top Model jek).. but yet, i've decided to go and blow them up with what i've got. i'll bring my dad along in case of fraud or what-else-i-couldnt-imagine.. but my parents disagree becos its not a good time.. yeah, i seems to forgot that im having MAJOR exam this March. hope that agency can wait? they say they would arrange suitable time thou. hey, they WANT me. after all these while i've been so down and lonely, and feeling unwanted, torn and heartbroken... now its really good to know that there ARE people who still have interest on me. ahhh kimochi ne.....~

second thing is, i broke a friendship and made a new friendship on Valentines Day.
broke with a tiny little girlfren, made up with a huge and cutie guy. well, as you can see, its the ying and yang, it balance everything up.. the positive and the negative.

well i was happy and sad at the same time, but it was satisfying. cos im the one who decide it all. all me...

Hoho!! Kamen Riders!!!

2005-02-11T02:16:00.000+08:00

i've been out these days, but i didnt enjoy it very well cos it was soooo boring to go out with the same person each time, or, just going out alone. i dont know what should i do and who should i contact to wipe these bored and gloomy feelings. 've tried so many things to cheer myself up and now ended surfing for cute guys.. lol! just kidding. chinese new year is great cos there's so many movies and shows that i like.. and i've seen zhou jie lun and tsai yi ling MV making show.. verrrry nice.. i've tried to dance to 'ai qing 36 ji'.. hehe.. kawaii moves i'd say..

im now searching sum stuff about kamen rider Ryuuki, as i was curious to know more about the pink rider -kamen rider Raia a.k.a tezuka miyuki who died for red rider -kamen rider Ryuuki a.k.a shinji kido. tezuka, a cutie, can read and predict people's future by tossing a coin or by lighting a match. very soft-spoken person and magical, he doesnt talk so much. he became a rider not for fighting, but he took his bestfriend place as Raia as his dearest friend hand was permanently injured and later was killed by monster. when tezuka first met shinji, later they decided to be friends as shinji also became a rider to help people from monster and not for fighting with other riders. as tezuka read shinji's future, he knew sumting bad will happen to shinji, and the thing will take shinji's life. so when purple rider - kamen rider Oja attack would have destroyed Ryuuki, Raia acted. He knocked Ryuuki away and placed himself in the path of death. His armor disintegrated. Ryuuki took him out of the Mirror World, but wounds suffered there remain and Tezuka died in Shinji's arms. sob.. well he died in last week episode, so i might not be seeing him anymore... as i read the synopsis, ryuuki and knight will die too, but later... oh no, why should these good riders die!?

the hansome and mystical Tezuka Miyuki (starred by kakkoii Hassei Takano) in Masked Rider Ryuuki

the pink rider .. kamen rider Raia

Shinji Kido (starred by Takamasa Suga), twenty-three years old, dreams of becoming a renowned reporter. He is a sweet, happy-go-lucky young man. His enthusiasm and charm.. amazes people around him sumtimes...

the red rider kamen rider Ryuuki

Shuichi Kitaoka (starred Ryouhei -without his last name) is thirty years old. But he's not going to make it to thirty-one unless his birthday comes around soon. He is a "Super Lawyer", arrogant, self-centered and assorted other words. He has been diagnosed with inoperable cancer and is rapidly running out of time. The occasional fainting spells and weakness he suffers, his faithful secretary Yura Goro covers with skill, which later take Shuichi's place as Zolda after he passed.

talk about boys and their toys... kamen rider Zolda a.k.a Shuichi Kitaoka, the green rider..

Doo Dat Doo Doo Dat Dat Dat

2005-02-07T03:18:00.000+08:00

i was replying a msg from a friendster fren. hope he's cute thou, hehe. he didnt enclose his pictures darn it. and all day, i was thinking of my appearance for this coming college annual dinner. shud i appear as kawaii chix or kowaii chix? no no no, i dont mean scary.. i mean, gothic.. i bought myself smoky set of eyeshadows so i can have a super-captivating, gothic kohl eyes.. hmm.. damn it i dont have black shoes... or else it wud have match.. the lacey heels i saw at sembonia outlet, and no more size for me.. sob...

i've seen Woman On Top -starring Penelope Cruz at NTV7 yesterday and i was amazed by the songs for that movie.. it was Brazilian salsa, nice one..! very intriguing. i forgot to jot down the performer's names (there's a few of them on display).. but dont worry, i'll find it sooner or later.. or, maybe i'll just click on Ebay.com..

well frens, it nearly 4am. i need to stop listening to XFresh FM and get some sleep. damn u shud listen to it, the english songs are kewl and its all 100% Malaysians! for now, im hooked with 7 Collar T-Shirt and The Muffins... more Msian emo bands ^-^... I like Message Girl -by V.E too.. hey, so much songs here, so pls, its worth to stop by at the channel and listen.. pls look up the newspaper for its frequency. for penangites, its 106.5 FM

Blah..

2005-02-03T13:12:00.000+08:00

hey hey.. hot and sunny day here in Penang.. and it'll be hot til end of March, they predict. so, get ready to go out and have a tan! well im so bored, yesterday i finally have the chance to go for night movie...

and today, i maybe go for percussion master again.. lol.. im sooo bored im tired of studying im tired of being lonely i really really need a huge time out its really bugging me if i kept thinking about it.
no one is asking me out. no one is calling. no one is emailing. no fren to talk to. well, i have no real fren actually. pity eh ? yeah. think so too. it seems like i've shut myself from the world. they think i've shut myself from the world. but what can i do? i cant help it. everyday i feel this way. i've tried to talk to everyone about it but nobody seems to care. do i need to beg? well i did. pathetic? i've done it. i am pathetic and i've done so much. but its still the same. i've work it out. i've done the best that i've could. i've used so many vocabularies, and i've act in many diff ways to make people understand but they dont! they dont want to understand. they just want me to shut myself off. so here i am. wondering in my blog.. shutting myself up. being introvert. bored. nerdy. geek. jerk. fool. whatever thay want to call me.

i only have just a bunch of cool cyberfrens, which, i guess, thats the only thing i have for now. im thankful for it. cos without them, i have non.

Am I Stupid ?

2005-02-01T11:22:00.000+08:00

im supposed to wake my fren up.. but instead, im the one who's late... i missed my HR class and now im doomed.... cik zaiza will kill me.. i've missed so many of her selling class as well..

my investment class was cancelled and sumhow im so excited to go to a cancelled class? what was i thinking???? now im at my college cybercafe typing this thing cos im too lazy to go home... it 11:30 am and its hot down here in Penang, i refuse to ride my scoot and go home.. but im hungry i gotta go home no matter what....
hope my fren still believe me thou when i said i'll wake her up.... *sigh

i luv percussion master for now.. i cant stop playing it.. it has Jay Chou song and Cyndi Wang Xing Ling as well.... kawaii... everything is so kawaii nowadays... :) :)
i bought kawaii thing yesterday.. pls have a look :)

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No Leaf Clover...

2005-01-29T01:57:00.000+08:00

im getting sleepy.. nuthing much happen to me lately, except that im broke and lonely. aiyoh, hao ke lian lo...

my scooter has changed its color from fire red to captivating babyblue.. which, i kinda like it.. it drew a lot of attention from people.. or is it my cutie helmet ?
i've seen National Treasure, starring Nic Cage. he's my favourite.. i've been captivated by his style of acting since he starred Con Air and The City of Angels. im not going to tell you about any of above movie titles, you just gotta see it by urself. really, its worth it! CNY is coming, i've been planning to go shopping.. i need to give myself a break, need to cheer myself up. if it wasnt me, when who will it be? i've been down lately.. maybe shooping can help? but im not sure hows my financial this month. the scooter asking me too much money!! but i love her.. she's a bomb! my scooter is a bomb!

well, hope this rooster year will bring me lotsa lotsa luck, properity and not to forget, happiness... no, i need double happiness. gong xi fa cai.. xin nian kwai le!

a picha of Vic Chou @ Zai Zai pinching Stitch.. he's so kakkoii..

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new stuff ?

2005-01-25T02:05:00.000+08:00

well.. this thing is on now.. but i dunno how long can i maintain it.. komuniti.net sux... i've wrote so much there.. the blog is my wonderland! now there's problem again and i cant seem to find the page... d'oh, wth are they doing??

i got class on saturday. that even sux big time.
going to miss kamen rider ryuki...

my knee is still hurt. scar? dont ask. its big.